What bleedin' time d'you call this then? Sorry. It's been a big bit.

Took a bit of a hiatus, but my weekly newsletter is back. This time, featuring Lord Bastardman.

What bleedin' time d'you call this then?
open.substack.com/pub/unmemora...

The Muppet Christmas Carol is the only American pantomime. In this essay I will...

Corner flag picture when. #lufc

He'd do all the prep, all the technical stuff, then drop it onto the floor when faced with the slight updraft from opening the oven door.

"Dear ChatGPT, I've picked three holding midfielders against a team that can't score and we've let in a goal and been totally overrun in the middle. Can you help with my CV? Danke."

#lufc

Didn't think I cared about Rutter before kick off, but now I just have a burning need for Rodon to cripple the fucker. He's not even touched it. #lufc

In Brenda's defence, he spent most of 2025 bravely battling for a team desperately scraping a paltry 100 points to win the league, while Joffy had a much easier time going into every game with perennial favourites Hull.

#lufc

Went to see it in Stockport at weekend. My dad described it as "the saddest ending to a film since Old Yeller."

Refuse to believe there's a wall big enough to have that fat cunt McKennie's shirt on it

Who decorated that? Tommy Fucking Robinson?

A role tailor made for the lad.

Man behind the wall? Stops 0 goals ever, looks stupid - ALWAYS DO.

Man on the post at corners? Stops many goals and prevents left back bullet heading into his own net - NEVER DO.

Some dickhead failing to defend a free kick.

"Got a plan lads. We'll take a man who could be in the way of the ball and have him lie on the floor. I saw it on MoTD once, so it must be smart"

Long may it continue. I never, ever want to see #lufc do this stupid shit.

There's an Ulster flag dangling over the bridge near the height. Fucking morons can't even do performative patriotism right.

Fair play to Woakes Not seen such a nauseatingly heroic performance at work since the last time I wrote four emails with a hangover.

A lovely stress-free morning's cricket is just what we all need.

I wonder how much you get fined for not playing that dogshit Premier League anthem, and whether or not we could just crowdfund the cost. I'd gladly pay to not have it kill any pre-match atmosphere dead.

This. The lowfields tunnel is such a niche thing, almost purely unique to the square ball. I’ve been going to Elland Road since 1991,I grew up in beeston so I never walked that way,it means little to me.Just proper lazy from the club.
Not that it matters,don’t buy stuff with that fizzy pop logo on

Media commentators across Britain have reacted with outrage to something said by an Irish rap group named after the practice of shooting people in the knees.

[From issue 1649, May 2025]

two men are sitting at a table in a bowling alley with their hands on their head . ALT: two men are sitting at a table in a bowling alley with their hands on their head .

Call me king centrist dad, but I think shit bands with shit takes should still be able to make those shit takes on telly.

Not with a bang, but a whimper. Florida's best is better than the Leafs'. They don't need to be at their best here.

I for one never doubted them. Go Leafs Go.

Hey, cut them some slack. They nearly had a shot on that power play.

I can't be hate watching this awful team at nearly 2am. I have a job. I have a life.

It's the total lack of urgency and intensity that I'm enjoying most.

Did you predict Rat Bastard to score in OT? I did. It was written in the fucking stars.

Currently doing my "of course it's Marchand" face.

AUSTON MATTHEWS 🚨

POWER PLAY GOAL!

🌵🌵🌵

I say three, because on reflection there was some right chaff on that White Stripes album. Deserves a mention because the singles were fucking ace.