< day.

So.
Fucking.
Tired.

< was so often in my reach, tired of feeling like half a person, tired of craving the heat, tired of never having those hypnotic eyes speak to me in ways words never could. Tired of leaving her alone against all of the same… Tired of letting her down, tired of breaking my promise every single >

I leaned forward in the chair, it tipped on the rockers with the motion, my elbows on my knees, and my face buried in my hands as I whispered. “I’m so tired.” Tired of missing her, tired of the anger I couldn’t shake, tired of the talk, the whispers and the looks, tired of missing her when she >

Perfectly Broken YouTube video by BANNERS - Topic

< night like he was expecting me and transforming the sketch into a permanent mark without any questions with a copper needle. >

music.youtube.com/watch?v=5W_Y...

< beat as I tensed and released my fist.

I remembered Nessie inking this on my arm with Sharpie when I explained the vision to her poorly… knowing what I shared would be only between us. But when I played the song… she knew… music was her favourite language. Old Quil was opening the door in the >

< She claimed I’d broken down… but in reality, she’d had the courage to unlock the doors… and me… well, I dared to open the doors and step through, locking each one behind me so that neither of us could run. ‘What was chosen cannot be unchosen.’ Is this what grandmother meant? The heart seemed to >

<
I stretched out my arm… the song that inspired my new tattoo.

“You are the voice that calms the storm inside me.
Castle walls that stand around me
All this time, my guardian was You.”

I traced the castle walls perched on top of the inked heart… Leah… the castle that guarded my heart. The walls >

It's Always Been You YouTube video by Phil Wickham - Topic

< was enough… more than enough… shattering like a glass house in a storm. The sorrow of scrolling through a text message thread where we had shared so much, and all traces of it were erased.

Twin souls… where had I heard that before?

Not the legends?... but somewhere…

And then…

< rolled her eyes when I tried to distract her to prolong the time we had before I stepped outside our bubble.

The betrayal of that night, the feeling of being sliced down the centre as I walked away from the greatest thing I had ever been part of in my life. The one place where everything I am >

< with the honour of being granted access to be with her in her pain and sorrow… even though I couldn’t make it better. The contentment of her fingers beneath mine as I showed her how to make different chords on Nana’s guitar. The joy of watching her in the kitchen in the morning, the way she >

I remembered that night… the flutter in my stomach when she snapped her teeth at me, the way it felt… the shift in me… how it felt to feel the weight of her sleeping form against my side. Sitting across the table from her… making our rules. I smiled. I laughed… I cried, I ached for her. I soared >

Body Like A Back Road YouTube video by Sam Hunt - Topic

music.youtube.com/watch?v=FsRB...

< jealousy, isolation… anger and shame all mixed up together. This channel had opened between us for a reason. Did it go both ways? Could Leah feel it? The pack?

I grabbed my phone and stuffed my earbuds back in, then selected a song. If he could feel this… I could show him what he destroyed.
>

< course, she would say these words that I had no way to decipher and vanish… abandoning me yet again. I slumped back into Mom’s chair, it tipped back, and I let it all in. Seth’s pain… tears escaped my cheeks, and the guilt, regret and sadness flowed and things I didn’t understand, rejection, >

< mistake twice. This time, we chose those who could be parted by no earthly means. Like the turning wheels and the blowing winds… what was chosen cannot be unchosen, not anymore. Twin souls, cleaved apart - the flames will dwindle but never extinguish.’

Then she was gone… of course she was. Of >

< chose Leah. Change is coming… whether there is unity or not. Those wheels cannot be unturned, and the winds cannot be redirected. Evolution, my boy. It is upon us. Only once before has Moon chosen a man to walk the earth for her and the Sun: a woman. It ended in tragedy… We do not make the same >

< for blood and skill, I was chosen as third because I was unattached… I had no imprint to fear in a crisis. Quil… Quil’s soulmate was the most vulnerable of us all.

‘Not the wanning Alpha’s chosen.’ The Spirit whispered, and I heard it like she was next to me. ‘Our chosen… Just as Grandfather >

< too falsely. The word rang hollow… but the fury was back. Why? Why me?

‘Because you have been chosen.’ She answered the question I hadn’t asked.

“I’m just a Third… It's not my job to manage him.” Right now, I am considering asking Jake to make Quil his third. But I knew Leah was chosen for >

< said nothing, just stood there… making me look like a madman speaking to phantoms, should anyone peer out their window. “It’s not fair. You can’t expect me to fix this.”

‘So you are prepared to lose your brother forever?’ She spoke, each word in a different voice.

“Yes!” I said too loudly… >

< this what happened to Leah when the great wolf fed her a direct line to the pain of the others? “His pain… isn’t my problem… it can’t be.” Grandmother Moon returned to her shifting from faces known and unknown, of all ages, all the women of the tribe she protected, past, present and future. She >

< brother crawled, reaching out to catch him when he stumbled after taking his first steps, and on and on.

“Seth…” I shook my head. Seth’s heart was breaking. And I couldn’t help the thought that it was about fucking time. After everything he had done to his sister… I pulled out the earbuds. Is >

< a five-year-old Leah Clearwater looked like, but there she was… tenderly, and expertly cradling a swaddled newborn like no child her age should have been able to do; the baby looked much larger in her arms. A strange, strangled sound escaped me as I watched the form grow up… clapping when her >

< want? Why are you doing this to me?” I said to the apparition on my mother's lawn. The form shifted, a younger Sue Clearwater, cradled a swaddled bundle in a hand-woven blanket and then shifted to a girl… A girl I knew as well as my own reflection.

There was no way that I could remember what >

< was hurting… did they all feel it? I sucked in a deep breath, and I hit repeat on the track. Trying to understand. When I lifted my head, there she was again… her shifting form in a shaft of moonlight. She only had two faces tonight, Sue and her daughter… the sight twisted my gut. “What do you >

< always quieter. But this. The phantom scent of lilac smoke. That day, the battle of the newborns. The moment Jacob found out Bella had accepted Cullen’s proposal, the heartbreak ripped through the pack. Only Sam could pull us back to focus on the fight before they were on us.

One of my boys >

< whispered into the night air… she was hurting. I wanted to go to her. I needed to. even if it was just to stand by while she grieved.

The wind whipped up… the scent on the air… it sent me spiralling back in time. Not Leah… she was hurting, of course… tonight of all nights, her agony was >

<
‘How can we go on like strangers?’ The lyrics tore the breath out of my lungs so quickly I gasped… the feeling was so deeply familiar. I stood and walked to the porch railing… I stared at my bike and gripped the keys in my hands… hard… easing off before I mangled them. ‘Leah…’ I >

love and hate YouTube video by Camylio - Topic

The music seeped into my soul… but it was different… It wasn't that music always brought me comfort. Music was meant to stir up emotions, all of them - sorrow, joy, contentment, anger… rage… Heartbreak. And everything is beneath. >

music.youtube.com/watch?v=LueX...

Nerd is the way.

Socially-awkward.
It's no code I can't write or hack.
Mirror replies.
21+ role-play.
Mature themes.

< toasting Grandmother Moon’s appearance. The song was laced with joy and pain… and I let myself feel them both. Because I didn’t regret a single second of either one.