cleanmogging the other person at the public sink trough by genuinely scrubbing my hands, wrists, and under the fingernails for 30 vivacious seconds

when i go back to my gym locker and realize the random spins i did earlier on my combination lock brought the numbers back to basically the correct combo

i can tell when someone isn’t 67ing with joy and whimsy in their heart

why can’t i round down for charity at the supermarket? sprouts can’t cover the four cents to end child hunger?

just realized i’m not depressed, i’m simply not listening to Life is a Highway enough

the beets and slightly wilted kale in my large intestine combining their color palettes to make my poop a normal brown color:

took a covid test and started playing animal crossing this week. surreal.

the lioness does not concern herself with the quarter teaspoon

new 400mg caffeine preworkout name ideas:
- wrath and reckoning
- twisted death rat
- flesh bucket
- strawberry shark guts
- xtreme eldritch ecstasy
- BL00D
- all consuming pit of darkness

my family is bullying me to throw out my special cheese i just bought because it’s too stinky (it is sooo stinky)

ay let’s go to the bar twin

thank you so much waze!! how did you know i wanted an alternate route that adds 6 minutes and takes 8 more turns?

gay son or rebellion leading bow wielding daughter?

slenderman should put those skinny lil fingees to use and help me get these last few pickles out the damn jar

TONIGHT THE MUSIC SEEMS SO LOUD‼️‼️

u either go to college or jupiter, choice is yours

max volume full version of careless whisper, cold glass of water, aquaphored up.. flow state.

drunk and losing in chess in the backseat of the uber, chat what core is this??

the fox says fuck off btw

me when i only count 2 pilots

mom wants beta blockers for christmas, what’s up wit that

i know those “jump to recipe” buttons are bullshit. some shit like <button id="dumbfuckingbutton” onclick="NOTHING LOL IDIOT">Jump to Recipe</button> like i don’t want to read a loving anecdote about your kids or how you broke an arm. show me the mac and cheese cups?? the culinary agenda sickens me.

a car just stopped for me as I was crossing the street and for some reason my dumb ass waved and smiled like this to them, i wish they just hit me

when Q4 hits and some of yall aren’t thinking bee, the hive just don’t hit the same😔

kpop 67 hunters

i have nothing but lemon water and cholera pumping through my digestive track rn

if a waymo car has one passenger, can it hypothetically use the HOV lane? let me know in the comments

i’m gonna run with scissors

if you can’t love me at my funky, you don’t deserve me at my kong 💔🥀⛓️ #FKOTW

not to sound like a broken record, but if you’re coming to a stop before entering an empty rotary, you might as well put it in park, turn off the ignition, and blow up your car