me and my friends have this game we have called "Noob, Pro, Hacker" and its basically spin the bottle but instead of kissing we throw heavy things at eachothers heads like bricks and logs

im gonna prank bejeweled 3 when it's gameplay loop stops making my prostate quaver and twitch like a fig full of jubilant wasps

i green lights all the way home im so pent up

he was so fucked up for this

(explaining blender to a simpsons) ok so imagine a donut,

fool me once, tweedle dee dee
fool me twice, fiddle dee doo

me watching the new phineas and ferb remake: i hear that they made it trendier to appeal to more politically inclined viewers

doofinshmirtz: i call this one the fingerinator, it will finger everyone

me: excuse me

i gave my son some gasoline so that he would go faster

here are some tips and tricks to get dates instantly:

1. have a secret third eyebrow
2. good outfit

im gonna start a house flipping reality TVshow with my wife Gearl and its gonna be called House Glop.
The premise will be that every episode some poor people are unhappy with there house so i fill it with my slime

trans siberian oarchestra

i smuggle one zillion termites onto the plane, fuck TSA

this season always reminds me of when i was still alive and grandma earl used to run the Cart Ride set around the tree..............
Happly Holidays from youre Earl family to yours
P{;ease enjoy this Holiday E-Card.

"i feel kinda silly for admitting this but im actually really nervous, this is my first time on a cart rid-"

like this post if you agree pencil graphite is the healthiest breakfast food

i’m working on a netflix animated short series called Earl Adventures and there will be an episode where i eat a lot of food and get a hideously distended stomach for no fucking reason

i let Omar crash at my place and he ate all my dinners without asking, that shit was from star market 💥

do we think i could win a wrestling match against someone big and strong, like perhaps the incredible gulk

we should replace all vegetables with rougelikes and clinically perscribed stimulants and jacking off multiple times in one morning,

when the plumber at your house bends over to fix a pipes and his/their pants fall everywhere, all over the place, revealing his entire bum, good lord in heaven

jimmy fallon gets an iced cream flavour BUT I DONT? ⁉️ WHAT ⁉️⁉️⁉️

who CAREs ‼️

she give me a sweepjob she jerk my shit off with the broom

a man in a superhero costume is smiling and holding a sausage ALT: a man in a superhero costume is smiling and holding a sausage

saw some hotr sexy sex porn and you didnt jerk your penis #NotVeryStrokeOfYou

the sheer number of youtube videos i’ve seen in my fyp today with a title like “white comic slips up in front of famished black crowd, ends up buttered and basted with an apple in his mouth!” and the thumbnail just looks like this