I bought a new dog, a greyhound, my wife said: “What are you going to do it with it?” I said: “Race it.”

She said: “My money's on the dog.”

I can't take my dogs to the park anymore.

The ducks keep pecking them.

I should have known this would happen.

They’re pure bread.

Toilet humour.

The Diff.

Don Willett?

I went to a restaurant and ordered the Napoleon chicken.

I complained to the waiter that there was no meat on it, and he said "you got the boney part"

It was a privilege to attend the It’s My Shout Awards celebrating an organisation that does truly exceptional work across Wales
As a Board Member, I have seen the impact they deliver
It is far more than a film production company; its a powerful platform for opportunity, confidence & social mobility

Did you hear about the guy who collapsed trying to climb Mount Everest?

Authorities just found Himalayan there.

To stop ants coming in to your house leave a saucer of milk outside. The adult ants drink and it has an effect on ant reproduction. The young are born without toes so they can't climb walls.

This effect is called lack toes in toddler ants.

I have a couple of sock puppets for sale.

Anyone interested in taking them off my hands?

A pun walks into a room and kills ten people...

Pun in, ten dead.

Six years ago today.

I was at a wedding yesterday, I overheard two little boys chatting when one of them leaned over to the other and asked, “How many wives can a man have?”
His friend answered, “Sixteen… four better, four worse, four richer, and four poorer.”

Learning to play Monopoly.

I was making soup last night and the recipe called for 5 potatoes cubed.

125 potatoes seemed a bit excessive, doesn't it?

Easter walk.

Easter walk.

Happy Easter.

My wife asked me where we could go after Easter.
I said, “Norther, Souther… or Wester.”
Your choice.

I had a hen that could count her own eggs.

She was a mathemachicken.

They discovered an abominable snowman in the Italian mountains.

They’re calling it the Spag Yeti.

There is no point in posting April fool jokes today. With everything that’s going on in the world, people will just say “Yeah, that could happen.”

In other news, I’ve agreed a deal with Palitoy to manufacture the 1960s old Welsh bloke version of their classic toy.

I just purchased an original Van Gogh coffee table. I know it's original because there's a bit of veneer missing.

I bought my wife a matching belt and bag for her birthday.

We'll have that vacuum working again in no time.

Last ski day blues…

Skiing…

Skiing #montgenévre 🇫🇷