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Recently made progress using sunscreen on my face every day. I’m 38.

My toddler is crying because baby wipes are wet

Watching the winter Olympics thinking “oooh that’ll be murder on their knees”

32 odd kids’ socks. That’s what broke me at the end of a long day. I guess if i wasn’t precious about them matching we’d have 16 pairs

My husband’s ADHD medication is called Tranquilyn

In my mucus era

These have now expired

Without a hint of irony, my toddler’s favourite song at the moment is Insomnia by Faithless

“Friends fear she’s making tattoo enquiries again”

Maybe if I keep scrolling tomorrow won’t arrive

I’m like the princess and the pea but instead of sleeping on 10 mattresses there are 10 duvets on top of me

Help, I’ve spent all my money

What’s it like living with an ADHD husband?

I found dirty dishes in the back garden after asking him to clean the kitchen 3 days ago.

An epiphany where you suddenly see all the clutter that’s gathered around the edges of every room

I’m sorry, Doctor, but who isn’t experiencing a lot of stress at the moment?

Another classic girl dinner; chicken salad and two cocodamol.

A spider plant in a jute covered pot. It has just a few small wispy leaves

A variegated house plant with browning leaves and dying stems.

Show me the houseplants you’re desperately trying (and failing) to keep alive in a sense of delusional hope.

Saw a pigeon with a sore foot and it’s ruined my day.

Hope you recover, little pal.

Booooooo

I’ve never seen mob mentality until tonight. The host of the Disney pub quiz got the answer to question 1/40 wrong and lost the respect of all the ‘Disney adults’ in the room. It was savage.

Can I get my toddler deported? She’s tiny and she does crimes.

A day so long I feel like I’ve died and can feel my body decomposing

I’m very proud

I'm back to brushing my teeth more than once a day so yeah, you can say I've got one hell of a handle on my depression.

Toddler, misheard:
BITCH (bits)
BOOBIES (blueberries)
COCK (clock)

Finally got my PhD in Napping

Making myself two cups of tea just to feel something

Joker at sainsburys checkout. I was buying baby ibuprofen with my child.
Him: it’s check 25, are you over 25?
Me: I am *37* years old
Him: since when?
Me: 1987
Him: smile for me?
Me: I have no wrinkles I’m full of Botox. See 😯 I can’t raise my eyebrows!
Him: don’t overcook it *scans to approve*

Twice a week at bedtime I spray my bathroom with bleach to perpetuate the lie that I’m a domestic goddess. Work smart, not hard. And don’t inhale the fumes.