They’re all already dead

I started my microplastics journey early by enjoying the mouthfeel of Barbie shoes

Sorry I didn’t hear you, I was thinking about Taco Bell

You’re right, that’s very smart

All I want is a chance to prove $163 million wouldn’t turn me into a bad person

My therapist: back when you were a kid, what adult would you have felt safe with talking about your emotions?

Me: Mrs Potts from Beauty & the Beast

I’m guessing my vagina has a southern accent because it’s down south

I hate it when I feel like eating but I don’t feel like cooking

Hey that’s good to know. I normally take some tums or pepto if it’s bad. And generally fizzy water sorta helps. But it’s like is this going to be permanent now? 😆

Does being an adult mean a perpetual tiny amount of heartburn or am I unwell? And other questions I don’t want to ask, more at 11

Why is it called Animal Crossing? Are they/you angry or are they/you walking by?

I miss your beautiful face

Why do we call them hot dogs when we could call them warm wieners

Updated final project. He turned out way different than I had planned. I guess he had other ideas

This is so good

I don’t have any slutty clothes so I just have to be slutty on the inside

She’s so great!

I think butts are cool because we just naturally have a seat where ever we go

If you’re consoling someone for using the wrong pronouns, you can give them

their there there they’re they’re

I wonder if Annie was ok that she had been hit by a smooth criminal

Gonna get a rock and paint the word “party” on it. I’ll bring it inside at night and say “party rock in the house tonight”

It’s not a fancy restaurant if I don’t drop something on my shirt

I don’t understand garnish on plates. If I’m not supposed to eat it then put something better than garden trash. How about an iPhone or a cool pen?

A needle felted brown figure. He’s probably a bear but he was supposed to be Bigfoot. Hes got a very crappy top hat and he’s still a work in progress

Me when I’m feeling fancy but I’m still a work in progress

I’ve been working on a “provolone but not provolonely” joke but this is better

I can say what I want, my mom gave me permission

Señor Presidente

Mr President

Water is great because if you see someone drinking it you can say “water you doing?”

Mr Darcy walking toward me in the misty sunrise only he’s just three bags of peanut butter m&ms in a trench coat