An "arctic blast" killed my whole expedition but ok call your toothpaste that

Elevator: positive, uplifting
Escalator: provocative, threatening

Hey man how did it go?
[to the paramedic] Can he hear me?

Let’s consult The Official Website

Yeah, plus as a fly on the wall you’d also get to hear and see everything that happened. Wait what did you mean

Yeah I’m into nature, things of that

I got thirty guys to line up on a staircase and they don’t know this yet but I’m gonna jumpkick the top one

I wish I got the same reaction when a big bowl of spaghetti “splashed down” the front of my hanes beefy tee

Somebody forgot to poke holes in the conference room but that’s ok we can just get new consultants

Tapping my phone real slow, real casual. I’m not worried or anything. I had my ticket activated the whole time.

Ok folks let’s all line up again. We’re going to keep “doing a Cinderella” until we find out whose retainer this is.

Uh oh everything looks regular but the violins are doing something crazy

Look man we can still fight if you want but your nose is bleeding pretty bad and we haven’t actually started

One last breakfast before lunch

Can I ask you to duck under the floor and make your way out? I have a reputation to maintain

Maintenance department set to announce sweeping changes

pearls before swine

Surprise! [I pull the trap door lever and you fall into my crawlspace. Most of you is still above the floor.]

Viral footage of my death getting copyright striked because the duck tales theme loops while i bleed out

A white circle over a white half circle in the approximate shape of a human head and torso

Please he’s missed his orthodontist appointment

Please anyone, have you seen my son? His name is Sample A. Sample.

Going back in time to ask my teenage self if he’s still gay

America’s over 75s are double right-clicking on a pdf so hard the mouse creaks

OK the astronauts are gone we can take down all this fake stuff on earth

All the kids are saying [eight second square wave tone]

Pretty much all my words are "of mouth"

Menacing kids are rollerblading at me on purpose? "Nothing I can do" says the mayor

Just finished up typing “hog dog” (no quotes)

JRPG cities have areas called “Eastern District” and “Undercity Zone” instead of “Glen Brook Oaks” and “The Projects”