Why do some people gotta be the ingrown hair on the ass cheek of humanity?

#YTho

The reason his voice is like that is because he swallowed his tongue trying to taste his own fart. He figured since his head was already up his ass so why not go for it.

We've all been suffering since.

You don't get into heaven by telling everyone to go to hell.

Can't believe that couch fucker killed the Pope.

I'm not really a prodigal son, I'm more of a paradoxical son.

#Prodigal #Paradoxical

Anybody else living one of their worst nightmares this week?

Today is a day to mourn.

Pet your pets for me, and they're a ginger cat give them extra love.

This is as American as apple pie.

I almost got hit by a cybertruck for the first time today.

Like bro that's $120,000+ vs my $2500, have some sense.

Damn timeslips

This is your reminder that you deserve good things.

Shake your booty Shadow Man.

Humans scare me more than the aliens and paranormal things do.

#Aliens #Paranormal

Defensive Safety Tip for the apocalyptic present:

Keep a working lighter and a travel can of hairspray in whatever bag you carry with you.

#DST

As above, so below, and over yonder as well.

I had customers that needed copies of their immigration papers to keep with them while out in public. This broke me. Families are out there just trying to live their lives, now they have to have a constant fear cause some white dude with an inferiority complex will try and start shit.

#BeBetter

This isn't the future Isaac Asimov would've wanted for me.

#Isaac #Asimov #Asimatti

Ew.

I'm going to start posting useful and underrated tools.

This one, for example, is a valve stem removal tool.

#UsefulTool

Did meta buy TikTok? Is that why neither will update?

#TikTok #Meta #Why

When a customer you help tells you they're looking for something for the brain-damaged person they care for and the way describe that person also describes you.

Brain-damage buddies!

The opposite of hard copy is flaccid facsimile.

The universe keeps giving me side quests.

This life is the weirdest video game ever.

When the universe talks to you through you.

I'm a wizard, and my wand is a pocket knife.

Hey if you had a migraine, you'd want a lobotomy too.

It's not that it hurts this time, but that it gets tiring. Wearing down my psyche. L

#Migraine

I uh really need to do something with this.