Controversial statement: Alan Parish was a dick and kinda had it coming to be stuck in the jungle for 25 years or whatever.

That parachute dude is me anytime Grand Theft Auto made me do a mission involving a skillful parachute landing.

Smells Like Teen Spirit.

One of the ladies from Bikini Kill tells Kurt he smells like Teen Spirit, a deodorant. Unaware of the deodorant & being a self-obsessed Gen X dude, he assumes it’s a really cool, really deep compliment. He names a song after this compliment that he thinks someone paid him.

There’s a Loudon Wainwright lyric for everything:

Small talk, big talk, hugs & kisses.
Strum a little number on that red guitar.
If you wanna charm the bonnet off your missus
Go out, catch a firefly, stick him in a jar.

In WHITE MEN CAN’T JUMP, it’s such a plot point that Woody Harrelson won’t grow up and get a real job. But it’s treated as perfectly fine for his girlfriend to act as if her “studying foods that start with Q in case I’m ever on Jeopardy one day” is somehow a totally serious & grown-up career.

Basketball can be played indoors on wood courts and outdoors on concrete.

Why doesn’t bowling do this? I’d have rather had a bowling lane in my driveway as a kid instead of a basketball hoop.

Even if he made up the excuse, I understand the doctor part. But nothing indicates Red Cross. I think he saw red & made a color-based logic leap.

If you took him to Target, he’d think: “Wow. There’s so many friendly Red Cross doctors here asking if they can help me or asking if I’m lost.”

He clearly thought the red cloth made him Red Cross personnel. The level of cognitive decline that takes is pretty bananas.

If that cloth was green instead, would he have claimed it depicted him as a Green Beret? It’s exactly that confused and addled.

There’s a Jason Isbell lyric for everything:

It takes a whole lot of medicine
to feel like a little kid.

Man, I lived in Tennessee 5 or 6 years and haven’t done a fraction of the neat stuff you got into in TN.

I wish I’d been more online back then to scope out what cool stuff people were finding.

Oh man what a cover. Gotta doff my cap to the artist on that.

You know that thing when someone asks you to photograph their marriage proposal, so you show up with a 3-foot Christmas tree to hide behind plus a camo jacket to drape over yourself like a makeshift ghillie suit? Gotta be stealthy like a ninja. Unagi isn’t something you are; it’s something you have.

There’s a Springsteen lyric for everything:

Pa told me, Son,
one thing I know is true.
Poison snake bites you,
you’re poison too.

Don’t pretend to be happy for him, Joe Pantoliano

There’s a Mereba lyric for everyone:

She picks up speed
whenever she's sinking.
Uses that steam
to make it up mountains.
That's how they know her,
the rolling stoner.

Christians today would absolutely without hesitation order cops or ICE to murder Jesus for being woke & a social justice warrior & a protestor.

Or for just being brown skinned and Palestinian. It’s a toss up.

Ghost of Yotei. Atsu. Erika Ishii.

A quick sketch.

Maybe it’s just me or just the family I was raised in, but I was raised that the correct way to announce the presence of cows is to suddenly do your best (& most realistic as you can manage) impression of a cow mooing.

I don’t actively ask if he’s dead yet or go check every morning to look at the news to see if it happened. I was raised that a watched pot never boils.

Plus I want it to sneak up on me and be a totally unexpected fun surprise that’ll make my day (or week or month).

Some AI people tell us their AI art is still art because the human is the one coming up with the idea & the vision.

Some (like this interviewer) pretend like they’ll still do the writing or creating themselves, they just want AI to come up with the ideas for them.

Two conflicting rationalizations.

Something I’ll never get:

Someone will make you watch Twilight movies with them.

As a cute callback, you try greeting this person doing an impression of Jacob greeting Bella with, “Where the hell have ya been, Loca?”

They don’t get the reference despite these movies meaning so much to them.

🤷‍♂️

So, like, I would happily race across a continent or an ocean or a desert to make him suffer an indignity. But I wouldn’t leisurely cross the room to help him if he was choking.

I think that phrase is to say: “I would spit at you normally. But if you’re burning or dying of thirst, I will refrain from giving you my spit.”

Like, that guy who threw his shoes at Bush as an insult refraining from tossing him any footwear when Bush is stuck barefoot surrounded by broken glass.

They won’t stop the well-earned celebrating when it happens.

At this point, the real question is how well will they fund security at his burial site to prevent us from being able to take soul-nourishing road trips to use his grave as a toilet.

the man is wearing a suit and tie and sitting in a chair . ALT: the man is wearing a suit and tie and sitting in a chair .

I mean. My offers would be the listed $1 price or nothing.

In fact I might just start spamming them with time-wasting messages as petty punishment.

Comeuppance, motherfuckers.

There should be a radio station & tv channel where everyday they bring in a random person with a medical condition zonked out on some meds, and let them curate the days’ music or movie playlist.

I would probably have one of those channels on 24/7 just to see what fascinating choices they made.

The way we will be scolded for insensitivity when he eats it. 😆

And his shithead family who pretend not to see this stuff will act like we’re attacking them with our very measured jubilation or our reasonable speculating about whether his death might constitute evidence for the existence of God.

People who post ad listings on Craigslist type sites with a $1 price (but in the text of the ad it’s clear they’re asking for a ton of money) so they can weasel their way into putting themselves on the radar of everyone who sorts from lowest to highest price?

I will find you & I will end you.

There’s a Kojey Radical lyric for evrything:

My little man from ‘round my way
say he wanna do what I do.
Do what I say, don’t do what I did
‘cause I just did what I could.