Whenever I watch a Majority Report clip on my phone, the baby comes over and starts saying hi to everyone on the screen because she thinks it's another meeting. She gives me far too much credit.

we should keep stressing out the alcoholic in charge of murdering people on the ocean

Having a moment where I seriously miss a lot of people who left most social media around this time last year. I understand their reasoning completely but it just sucks not being able to have nice things because of *ahem*

So if you're here but not there: love youuuuu

You're writing this down right? Good. As I was saying my car sucked so bad my wife left me. Yes I can spell my name for you.

[at my second rodeo] listen up you ignorant sack of shit

I'm watching Ben and Holly with the baby and genuinely appreciating how Queen Thistle is reading a knitting magazine while a sock magically knits beside her. This should be real.

Calling peoples' employers in a rage because their tributes to Robert Redford weren't horny enough

It’s simple:

- News bloopers
- unlikely animal friendships

Everything else fuckin SUCKS

I don't know if it's a big trend or just the last few yarn dyer videos I've seen but people are leaving too much blank in their colorways these days. It's not *speckled,* it is half finished.

Footballers whose names have a strong Eleanor Rigby cadence. I'll go first:

Jeremie Frimpong

A crocheted Patti smith

Patti smith from Horses

I crocheted Patti Smith’s Horses cover

oh so now it's a crime to have friends? and write them little poems? wow. you people just hate male friendship. this is why there's a male loneliness epidemic

Today on a shadow docket SCOTUS ruled 6-3 that Trump's ICE fascists can use ethnicity as a ‘relevant factor’ when furnishing reasonable suspicion to detain people, specifically citing Latinos.

No mention of ~600K mostly white Canadian & Euro undocumented immigrants.

This is what fascism looks like

I bought a new living room record player for my birthday this weekend so now my poor family has more opportunities to hear my entire carousel music collection every night

I hate when companies claim their edibles are actually good and then you get one and it's just a phlegmy brick of possum pectin

a frowning Shaq issuing a technical foul captioned when the murderer starts being mean to Columbo

😤

Explaining to this baby how there's a noise ordinance in this town and she is also destroying my quiet enjoyment of my property by being awake, but she continues to giggle and play. No respect for the rule of law whatsoever.

Important: the baby has selected her affectionate name for her father and it's DADD-OOOO

But really I need to shout out the ones who see "we're not shipping to the US for the moment" and think "well I'm not buying from you!!!!!" is going to change anything lmao lmAO

The internet is a shitty place for sure but a beautiful vein of content is big hobby groups on Facebook where MAGA folks are flailing as they try to reconcile overseas shipping changes after the 29th. It's amazing. I've seen so much screeching over yarn and records.

them: lol lib you triggered now that cracker barrel caved

me: sorry i was watching college football and having a great relationship with my spouse, what's crackel barn

Begging content writers to do better than "knitting - a forgotten hobby that makes us think of OLD PEOPLE - is inexplicably popular with the youngest generation?!" I've been reading these articles for 25+ years and surely they weren't new back then. Everyone fucking knits. All ages knit.

I’m sad that Ozzy is gone, but it makes me happy to imagine the music he’s making in Heaven right now with Tiny Tim, Luciano Pavarotti, and John Philip Sousa

I have a very part time job that I love doing, but the next several days I'm scheduled have the closest parking lots closed for maintenance. I need the money so I'm going to go do it anyway but it's going to *hurt* between hauling o2 the extra way and the extra o2 I'll have to carry for the walk.

Getting rid of PBS is also meant to clear the field for Prager U to be the place for children programming.

the coolest part about the elmo hacked posts is that the most insane people online are treating elmo like he’s a real guy

screenshot of r/crochet reddit post entitled “Finally made the corn balaclava I’ve been thinking about” with a bathroom selfie of someone wearing a balaclava that looks like a corn cob

we are surrounded by unrecognized visionaries