Fear had spread throughout Hogwarts. A new student was arriving today, a fierce, sullen boy named Graham Terrorist. He furiously insists that female whales are dolphins, and nobody dares disagree. "I've lost everything.. Just because I speak the truth that all cats are girls and all dogs are boys."
Neville was drearily stumbling across the dormatory, passionlessly smashing furniture. "Hey" said Ron, "I know you're upset, but it's okay to have your own opinion, you know?". Neville stood dead in his tracks. "Ron.." he whispered, "It's just fucked... Meet Dave 20% score... It's a perfect movie."
Not much was on the students minds recently other than Harry and Draco's constantly escalating feud. Today, Harry said that Draco has "hitler youth vibes", while Draco claimed that Harry has "big weird eyes like a pedo". The general consensus is that it would be a good thing if they both died.
"I don't think we should go to Hogwarts any more" muttered Ron. "I don't want to see Harry ever again. He's the worst person to possibly exist.".
Harry Potter died today.
harry potter is the worst thing to possibly exist
"I'm sorry for making my gijinka of Knuckles the Echidna white. I think there were a lot of cultural cues that I didn't pick up on due to my upbringing." - J.K. Rowling
"You need to check out B.A.P.S., Halle Berry and Martin Landau are incredible in it. Best movie ever!" said Neville. "Yeah, I'll check it out soon." replied Ron, who had been reccomended this movie one too many times now, making the idea of watching it feel like a tiresome chore.
Harry clutched his arm as an intense pain surged across his body. His hands tensed with such force that his fingernails shot out with a gush of sinew. Dumbledore chuckled, showing his hands and revealing his prosthetic fingertips. "Tee hee, I remember casting my first spell too!"
"Harry, we've been really worried lately..." said Ron, "Ever since you fell into that stagnant water at a place called 'Amoeba Lake' you've been acting unusual.". Harry looked indignant. "Leave me alone. I don't have a fucking parasite in me. I'd be doing all this stuff anyway.".
Harry stunned everyone as he walked into class, light glistening off his bald head. "That's right, I shaved off all my hair." said Harry. "It has nothing to do with Draco saying yesterday that I have 'Team America Puppet Hair'. I did this for a different reason than that.".
"Hey Ron, check this out!" said Harry as he demonstrated a hand gesture, "I figured out I can spell the word 'blood' with my fingers, isn't it cool?". "Harry, what are you doing? I'm sick of you." "Huh? But it's just-" "Don't play this shit with me okay? You're a mess. You'll soon die."
"Harry, you're outta here. Critics think your latest flick blowed." said Jack Warner. "Critics? What critics?" replied Harry, angrily. "It's Kevin. He's 13, a real rising star in the YouTube review space, He's got over 20 subscribers. Says your movies are 'gay ass'.".
harryp0tter8: Wahts that shield
harryp0tter8: Its so kewl,,,,
harryp0tter8: The purple seethru one.
D4RTHM4UL: Its a elemental shield
D4RTHM4UL: If u follow me north of varockk i can show you how to get 1
"I think they should add "Crystal" as a type in Pokemon!" said Neville. "How would that be any different to Rock??" responded Harry. "Well..." hesitated Neville, "It'd be weak to Fighting and Steel!". Harry paused for a moment. "Neville I don't think you should be alive anymore."
"I already confessed. I'm guilty! I murdered Longbottom! What do you want from me??" yelled Harry to the men that had approached him in his cell. "We know what you did, Potter. We're here to release you on one condition: that you do it again. Neville has returned as an undead."
"The cold doesn't affect me. I've always had to bundle up for warmth against the frost of the outside world." said The Penguin. "When my Ice Ray hits Gotham, you'll all feel as I do! Nwah ha!". "I think you're stepping on my toes quite a bit with this one." responded Mr. Freeze.
As Harry and Draco left the restaurant, while their conversation had never reached any kind of conclusion, both men walked away feeling heard by one another. Harry fondly looks upon the familiar places of Hogwarts, and tells his girlfriend all about his dinner with Draco.
Harry was defiant. "I don't care what you tell me to do. I'm English and I'm proud, and I won't leave! Not so you can give my dorm away to some refugee...". Eventually, everyone got tired of arguing with Harry, and Hogwarts was bug bombed with him remaining inside.
"While many regard it as being one of the worst missteps of the franchise, I think the magic instrument medallions from Underground should have become a recurring feature in the Sonic the Hedgehog series." - J.K. Rowling
"Oh my god I love your shirt dude!!" said Harry, excitedly. "Haha yeah! I love Cartman so much, he's soo funny!" responded Hermione.
"Respect mah authoratehhh....haha!"
"Yeah haha!"
"Yeah."
The conversation soon fizzled out and the two didn't speak much again.
"I've reduced the number of houses to two..." said the Sorting Hat in a kind of euphoric drawl, who recently took over Hogwarts in a violent coup that saw most of the staff exiled or killed. "Forget about what you knew before. It's just 'Antz' or 'A Bug's Life' now.".
"I'm straight, and I love to have a lot of normal heterosexual sex with my wife!" - Professor Albus Dumbledore
"I'm a true artist..." boasted Harry. "I don't care who is shocked or offended. I must stand up against 'woke'.". "Okay Harry..." muttered Ron, "But so far you've only managed to upset that woman whose missing husband you said "looked really gay" in the last CCTV footage of him seen alive.".
"You really think that every human is sentient?" scoffed Harry. "You really think that everyone experiences conciousness? We're constantly surrounded by so-called "people" who are merely husks. Wake up." Ron replied, "Harry I think you might be becoming a solipsistic fascist."
"Help! A dementor got in the bathroom window and it's got a hold of Ron!" shouted Neville from upstairs. "Oh for fuck's sake..." muttered Harry, wearing a stained England shirt as he sluggishly rose from his old autumnal floral armchair. His skin was sunburnt and pink.
"Dobby, I forbid you from seeing him anymore. He's a bad influence" said a stern Harry. "Furthermore, his loin cloth leaves little to the imagination. I've seen many glimpses of his little crazy frog thing.". Despite Harry's warning, Dobby and Gollum's romance continued to bloom.
"For fuck's sake Harry, what's with all these holes? I nearly broke my leg!" said Hermione. "S-Mines" said Harry. "I'm digging to find any that may be undetonated.". "Don't be silly" said Hermione. "Due to Hogwarts's allegiances during WW2, I doubt there'd be any here."
harryp0tter8: How do i get 2 varrok the dark wizards kill me
Cartman666: If you to to the east entrance there's no wizards there.
harryp0tter8: Thank u.
harryp0tter8: Did u know im a wizard irl
Cartman666: Hahaha cool
"If you think I'm joining your Quidditch team I'm afraid you're sniffing for the wrong truffle my friend..." said Ron. "But... We need you!" muttered a meek boy, cowering in the shadow of Ron's 8ft tall muscular body.