Just three more to go.

"Hi I'm a leftist nonbinary bisexual who plays D&D"

Me :: looks around::

"Oh, my polycule is over by the joust across from the turkey legs"

If someone asks you a question and it knocks you over maybe it's time to retire from Congress

I can't believe the Nobel Peace Prize didn't go to someone who changed the Department of Defense to the Department of War and is currently sending troops to the cities of his political opponents

Shut up,

Or the next Superbowl halftime show will be Worse Bunny.

"Ok...ok... Maybe if I stand reeaal still the other Republicans won't notice than I'm brown..😓"

"This is not okay. You shouldn't be making light of this tragedy and you need to consider his loved ones."

--- people who had jokes when George Floyd was killed

Kevin Sorbo and Scott Baio have decided to reject any and all acting gigs coming from woke California.

In solidarity with them I will be refusing all requests to become a surrogate mother from this point forward.

Going back to the gym so I can visit my feet once in a while. I hope they're doing ok

Meanwhile, at MAC headquarters :

"Has Violet found a foundation that matches?"

"Yes sir. We've just had reports from the Ulta in Hunt Valley, MD."

"Good. Now discontinue that sh-t Mwuhahahaa"

"mwuhahaha"

"Not you, Guillermo. Evil CEO laughing only."

Hi. Here are some shirt slogans for loggers I made up:

1.) I saw that
2.) I got 99 problems but a birch ain't one
3.) Lumber Jacked 💪
4.) Branch manager
5.) Every tree is the giving tree

This is the new Civil War reenactment 🤣 Decades from now there are going to be cosplay snobs like "That bathing suit is not authentic"

You can tell a clothing site is fast fashion if the name sounds like something you can summon.

"50% off all dresses on Beebalool"

"So much for the tolerant lef-" THHHPPPPTHTHTHTHTPPP🩸🩸🩸💀🦴🦴

Hi I'm Donkey Kong and this is my sidekick..... D. We just call him D these days 😒

Ok hear me out--

A DJ that only spins 90's music named DJ Tanner

"I'm putting real sugar in Coca Cola!"

"I'm gonna deport Rosie O'Donnell!"

"Obama is a traitor and I'm gonna arrest him!"

He's trying EVERYTHING to distract from the Epstein files!" 🤣

He's one step away from pointing out into the distance going "What was that" then sprinting away from the podium

When we give our attention to highly creative and imaginative people we just have to except that sometimes they use their powers for evil

The Grim Reaper trying to appease us with Hulk Hogan.

You know DAMN WELL that's not who we were hoping for...

He once saw a discarded popsicle on the ground and did a line of ants.

76 is pretty good.

Labubu sounds like how you'd say 'injury' in French

But wait, I haven't even gotten to the part about the vampire lord forever me to be his concubine

I almost have to admire the elegant effectiveness in its draining of all humor from the thread... He typed that entire thing out and then just... replaced the name. Both too much effort and phoning it in simultaneously

Today's Coldplay concert is sponsored by Ashley Madison

Hey, whatever distracts him

Today's weather is perfect if you've ever wondered what it would be like to breathe pudding

Redpiller : " the male loneliness epidemic must be dealt with."

"I agree." ::transitions::

Redpiller: "NO I WAS TALKING ABOUT THE LONELINESS PART "

Just got a call from my dealership because my car texted them that it needed an oil change.

Why is my vehicle better at self care than I am 😭

If anyone is friends with any female birds out there, please tell them that there is an eligible bachelor perched in the tree outside of my window.

This little incel desperately needs a mate and prefers to shriek about it at 2:48 in the morning.