When you say shit like “rats, foiled again” you have a smile on your face. You don’t want to succeed. You wanna get foiled so you can get off. Sick shit, man.

Hey man we’re going cruising later. You know we’re gonna go to the park and try and hook up with some older guys. It’s not gay, man. It’s just an activity.

I saw grace perform live and it was one of the funniest things ive ever seen

Hey everybody! I’m looking for contract writing and producing work! I’ve written on shows like Rick and Morty and Inside Job and written and produced content for ClickHole, The Onion, Funny or Die and various non profits and companies! I could use some gigs soon, hit me up, thank you!!

I wish my job could be being Maggie Gyllenhal’s person who tells her The Bride is kind of good a few times every hour.

Please feel free to resky this or whatever sharing a post is called on here lol

Herr Bud… no rule a dog can’t rule Germany.. etc etc

(holding up two fingers to my friend’s nose) You smell that? Yeah? It’s mother’s perfume.

I love the part of the haircut where she puts five products into my hair that cost a hundred bucks a piece and make it look good for the next 15 minutes.

Legally you can repost and share this, I give you permission

Poster for the show with all info in tweet, 11/12 at 9 PM and me screaming

Hello New York! I am back one week from today at UCB doing my solo show outside of LA for the first time ever! With @chrisgethard.bsky.social Sabrina Wu and Ivy Wolk! Grab tix at dadsdie.com!

Well well well Mr Cuomo, in accordance with our bet, you will now have to star in my short film as a 10 year old nonbinary child learning to play the cello while dreaming of becoming a creature of the deep.

I voted for Eric Adam’s because I moved to NYC six weeks ago and I’ve been having an absolutely awesome time under his watch.

Heat miser

Dumb fat fuck with dumb fuck hat

Shithead

Fuck this guy

This is not calling dodgers fans rubes but actually about a friend who passed recently who loved the Dodgers and I’m so glad they won this series for everyone who loved her

#winforrubes

Ripley and Jonesy

Kids used to go trick or treating. Now they go triggered treating. It’s sad.

Come to show tonight

dadsdie.com

Father’s Day. See you there.

Celebrate Father’s Day with me, @jamieloftus.bsky.social and Dan Hentschel at The Elysian. DadsDie.com

I am really proud of the show I’m doing right now, My Father Has Been Murdered. I will continue working on it for the foreseeable future until it is a perfect gem but I think it’s already the best live show I’ve ever done. Come out!

My Father Has Been Murdered: The Father’s Day Special

With @jamieloftus.bsky.social and Dan Hentschel.

Produced by @shutupmikeginn.bsky.social and DSP Studio.

Tix at dadsdie.com

My Father Has Been Murdered: The Father’s Day Special

With @jamieloftus.bsky.social and Dan Hentschel.

Produced by @shutupmikeginn.bsky.social and DSP Studio.

Tix at dadsdie.com

I just met you, and this is crazy
but what are numbers? I am a baby.

I have fulfilled my dream. I am the voice of a merchant in a video game.

Comedy Bang Bang has been kinda on a hot streak lately, just something I’ve noticed

Grace is in the very top-tier of BP guests and we finally clean out the listener block bag. What more could you ask for