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Posts by Widow’s garble

That's the best way to honour our loved ones - pass on kindness to others.

1 week ago 0 0 1 0

Yesterday, after working at home alone, I headed out for a walk, alone. A teenager on a bicycle, part of a gang on the high street, drove at me and laughed in my face. I scurried home and sobbed until I couldn't breathe. Because no one has my back and there's no one to call for help. #alone #grief

1 week ago 1 0 1 0

What a beautiful piece of writing - and horribly true.

1 week ago 2 0 0 0

New winner of the stupid things people say to grievers award: someone asked me yesterday what the advantages were of him being dead! ‘There must be some advantages. When my partner is away…’ #grief #alone #partnerloss

2 weeks ago 1 0 1 0

Thank you. Sending comforting vibes your way too.

1 month ago 1 0 0 0

I've now endured 1,000 days without him. And while I've learned to wear a mask around ‘normal’ people now, I still wake up every day with an ache in my heart and disbelief that this is my life now. #alone #grief #partnerloss

1 month ago 3 0 2 0

I've had a bunch of 'guilt greetings' over the festive season and my birthday. Lots of 'sorry I've not been in touch' and 'sorry I've been a bad friend'. No attempts to rectify the situation, they just feel better now they've said it. And I don't. #grief #alone #bereavement

3 months ago 2 0 1 0
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My birthday today. I’m now the same age he was when he died. I was always younger than him. Now I’m not. Nothing makes sense. #grief #widowhood

3 months ago 3 0 1 0

Two and a half years ago today the light went out of my life. #grief #solstice #partnerloss #widowhood

3 months ago 1 0 1 0

We were a good team. He was the sunshine, I was the rain. Together we made rainbows; now everything is just grey. #grief #bereavement #partnerloss

4 months ago 1 0 1 0

It's such a cruel time of year for people who, for whatever reason, aren't part of it any more. Sending love and strength to you.

4 months ago 2 0 1 0

This is my third Christmas without him. I don't send cards any more or decorate the house. Some kindly people still send me greetings and the normalness of their messages are utterly crushing. How on earth do they think I'll have a "fabulous Christmas" or a "brilliant 2026"? #grief #partnerloss

4 months ago 7 0 2 1

It's one of those days when the silence is utterly deafening. #grief #partnerloss #bereavement

4 months ago 2 0 1 0
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I find the darkness of #winter hard to deal with, especially as it's the lead up to #milestones: Tim's birthday, #Christmas, #NewYear and then the anniversary of his death. Here are a few things that I have found helpful:

www.thewidowshandbook.com/home/in-the-bleak-midwin...

#grief #widow

5 months ago 5 1 2 2

Just been reading about six-word stories. So far, my thoughts are:
His heart stopped and mine broke.
I don't matter to anyone now.
Without you I'm existing, not living.

4 months ago 2 0 2 0
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It really is complicated! But those sound like helpful thoughts. I'm still trying to learn to sit with just being me, rather than me with a gaping hole next to me, which I feel everyone should be able to see but somehow they can't.

5 months ago 2 0 1 0

The random assaults are everywhere. Emails inviting me to look back at a year of "family fun", supermarket dine-in offers for two, competitions for holidays that I would have no one to go on with if I won... It's relentless. #grief #widowed #partnerloss

6 months ago 1 0 2 0

I hardly listen to music any more either, which is painful because it was such a big part of our lives together. Now I don't even think to put any on. I'll get a copy of that book. Thanks for recommending it. Sending hugs.

6 months ago 1 0 1 0

I've heard of that book but not read it yet. Will add it to the list. Like you I'm crawling through books these days. Keep forgetting who the characters are and having to start again...

6 months ago 1 0 1 0

'Acceptance is not agreement' - that's interesting. Never heard that before but it's good. I feel like I need to rail against what's happened because obviously it's not what I want. Hmm. Something to think about. Thank you! Hugs to you too.

6 months ago 1 0 1 0

Yes it's the everyday things as well as the big things. People talking about their holidays when the person you used to go with isn't here to travel with any more. Trying to do things around the house alone that you would have shared. It's pervasive in a way others just don't understand.

6 months ago 1 0 1 0

Exactly! Other people's perceptions are so alien now. My friend, who kindly came to the hospital when it happened, said on the first anniversary that at least no day would ever be as bad as the day he died. But every day is as bad, if not worse, because he's still not here!

6 months ago 1 0 1 0

Have had a bunch of those "How are you?" messages lately. Maybe it's the change of season. But what's the right way to respond? I say: "Thanks for thinking of me, I'm struggling on. Hope you're well." And then that's it. Interaction over. They feel pleased with themselves; I feel even more alone.

6 months ago 1 0 1 0
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I feel exactly the same. I'm the only one carrying his memory on - but I'm doing a fine job of it! Think of him constantly still over two years on.

7 months ago 1 0 0 0

In our home, everything had a place. Now nothing has a place, especially me. #grief #widowed #uprooted

7 months ago 2 0 0 0
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I have found that #grief really isn't linear - it's more like a pinball machine

www.thewidowshandbook.com/home/models-...

#widow

7 months ago 5 2 0 0

A friend rang up to cancel our outing at the last minute on Saturday night. She'd hurt her knee and was distressed so I was sympathetic until she said: "And X [her husband] isn't here to ask what to do!" Sigh. #grief #widowed #bereft #alone

7 months ago 0 0 0 0

Every slight, no matter how unintentional, serves as a reminder that I don't have a place in the world any more. I'm no one's significant other - or significant anything. #grief #widowed

7 months ago 1 0 0 0

I miss us. Our routines, our trips, our plans, our meals, our day-to-day, our tackling things together, our general 'usness'. Nothing can ever ease that. #grief #widowed #bereavement

7 months ago 1 1 1 0

You should be proud! Moving is incredibly stressful and with an injury that's even harder. Well done you!

8 months ago 1 0 1 0
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