My Sona Maitrī on a dark red background looking defeated with a brighter red words reading such things as "I'm boring" "I'm gonna end up alone" "what reason do people care about me?"

Vent art, I haven't really been interacting lately or saying much. Idk, I've just been having overwhelming thoughts. I feel like a complete loser for not having anything interesting to say about myself, I feel that no one really wants me around but I suck talking to them anyways. I just don't know..

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There's no point in posting this at night and there's some things I can't talk about but I'd thought I'd at least talk about this. I don't think people are really interested in me anymore but I don't blame them.. I just miss the past.

I'm using this account again. There's things I've been feeling...alone for a while, not just because well. It still feels empty here, more like most friends don't want to talk to me anymore or really care I'm around. Only if I say something to them. Maybe I'm in the wrong idk.

I'm a loser and a failure, I can't help people and I'm not even worth being there, I lost my irl friends, I'm stuck in a job that will get me nowhere in life. And I waste my time I could be improving myself and I suck at being a friend as well. I hate myself, why do people even stay..Idk..

I guess all I can do is keep moving, maybe I can find new hope.

I think I've wasted my life.

I don't really know what I want to do or where I'm going, I'm gonna be 21 soon and I still don't know. I've just been living in the moment but I just don't realize when I need to do more, I've had opportunities I've wasted and I'm uncertain of the future ahead.

I need to work on being a better friend to my friends. I've noticed that I haven't benn there as much as I should, yeah I'm there when I know they're struggling but beyond that I haven't really just talked to some of them often, I feel bad I've been doing that, I need to work on myself because of it

I am used to seeing them as kind and supportive....

But they didn't look like the same person there....

I don't know who I can even trust anymore...

I thought I knew someone...but now I don't know if I do.

Now I'm just wondering, what other friends don't I know? I don't know..

I'm even scared to talk to them in case they hate me as well, I feel so lost..

Sometimes I should know when to stop talking...

I talk too much and say too much..

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They are all just better people than me, and they just deserve it more than I do.

Sometimes I wish I could swap places with my friends. And I could go through the stuff they do and they could be happy. I think they deserve it more than me. Idk.

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Sometimes I just question if I do the right thing and all.

Idk, it just feels wrong for me to do that.

I feel like it's wrong for me to share things I'm happy about when I know others are struggling. I think that I'll make them feel worse or seem insensitive.

I don't know if I can talk about things without hurting others? I'll just not talk about them for now.

I think I might lose everyone...

I'm just watching, friend by friend disappear and my efforts to help just aren't enough..

What do I do if they all are gone, idk...

Maybe I'm wrong, I hope on everything that I am.

Today I lost a friend... Like all contact with them, they are alive as far as I know... But I don't know if I'll ever talk to them again.

Today isn't a good day.

I'm feeling better than yesterday.

I think I'll keep this account the way it is for now but I'll make a main account and I'll try to follow the people I was following before on that. I don't know how much I'll be here on the main account, but it's better to have it than not.

Idk..

Please let this month be better
Please let this month be better
Please let this month be better.

I don't have faith this month is going to get better anymore. I'm pretty sure it's just going to stay like this until the end. It'll suck but I'll keep trying.

This month has just been awful...I hope it gets better soon...

Sorry. I'm calm now. I just let these thoughts boil up, I apologize.

I can't be enough for my friends...idk

I wish I could be, I wish I could help. And if I lose them I know it'll be my fault.

...But I just don't know.

I should just stop talking sometimes.

But then if I do I worry I could have help, but other times I think I just make it worse. I honestly just don't know, I just want to help but I can't see any good options.

They are safe for the time being. I still regret not doing anything..

But at least they are here.

I am not okay..

I'm very worried about someone...I'm scared that I failed them. Maybe I shouldn't have slept last night maybe I should have stayed persistent and tried to do something..idk. I really just hope there is some sign they are okay..

Well maybe. But at the moment it's just like no one really interacts much and the only things that get any traction is art and stuff.