No one knows that my style icon is Jason Mantzoukas

12 yr old me is screaming, crying, throwing up

The other day, a friend tried psychoanalyzing a murder dream I had and I was like... if we start ascribing weight and meaning to the shit my brain pulls on me, we're gonna be in some very hot water, very quickly.

Murder dreams just happen. Bloody thoughts come and go. Sometimes, monthly. Not always

Cant sleep cause I'm imagining how brutally I'd murder anyone who'd dare disrespect my wife in my presence.

...betcha ten bucks my period's coming in the next 1-3 days.

I <3 standing vigil over my dog so I can clean up his vomit before he eats it

Not saying men are inferior, but to this day the only person who has ever left my class unable to make a book has been a man.

Coincidence? Maybe.

Perf!

Aaaaah pain

Josephine picked it up from the library the other day! I'm so ready to Get Wrecked

You ever look at your father and think "wow, time has given you nothing but a bald head and an ever-lengthening list of women who avoid speaking to you whenever possible. And you have no idea."

Guess I'm gonna be up listening to the dog snore tonight

"A Mob le encanta la leche"

Hehehe

Mob is trying to get fit even though he could lift things with his mind with ease.

I'm trying to learn spanish even though I could rely on google translate with ease.

We are the same. We both suck at running/basic comprehension. We're both doing our best.

Up at 2am, cramping and watching anime in spanish until I can understand spanish.

The Children^tm have invaded the work cafe

Every time someone suggests I use easy carve for a relief class instead of my darling unmounted battleship grey linoleum, I consume another crown jewel from the Louvre.

Feeling like a proverbs 31 kinda gal, buying fabric and thread for cheap and sewing about two yards of hem binding by hand.

My wife told me she's very proud

Me @tradwives: its so embrassassing that their lives are so hollow that they must center their identity around being a wife.

Also me: I AM GONNA MAKE A CULT OF WIVES

When I was in college, I was nearly run over about 3 times a day and I've never shot anyone in the head and left their wife and child grieving.

Was I, a 19 yr old art student, braver than an ICE agent?

When the dog goes "oof" in his sleep

I had a dream that I was teaching a relief class. Everything was very normal except someone in the class was convinced that you have to turn cranfield caligo into a cum consistency before it's usable.

My wife gave me the worst book she could find as a christmas gift and HOOOO BOY, it's so bad

Nooooooooo! Praying you can get a replacement soon!

I s2g, there's a couple in the neighborhood who has been fighting since 11pm. It's currently 3am christmas day.

Just break up.

🚨 Andrew Tate has been BATTERED and comprehensively beaten by a novice boxer, Chase DeMoor

What does "make america charlie kirk" even mean??? Shoot america in the neck? Enforce mandatory podcasting?

Gotta frame and deliver this one on Sat morning 💀

A creature of unimaginble evil

Probably, but then I am a luddite.

Not a registered member, but this morning I told a group of friends "I love stardew-like games! It seems the only one I haven't tried is Stardew. The ground's too orange."

So, I'm expecting my card in the mail any day now.