Guy who doesn't know what the song is about: This song is about a breakup

thanks to AI our slow and humiliating national suicide will be punctuated by visual media that is so good even a dog could jack off to it

God forbid a man get in touch with his feminine side *takes big bite of Popeyes chicken*

CEOs Never Cum

#spinnin

#SPINNIN

Drinking soda out of a glass bottle is the coolest thing a human being can do

I raise you M. Bubbles from Jackbox

The Conservatives' leader is fucking PeePee and his campaign manager's name is Outhouse. It's like. Everything going on in the world is proving what a completely abject failure modern conservativism is and 40% of the country still goes "I support the peepeepoopoo party"

I know this is the whole deal of fusion power and like, all power generation but at least on a household kitchen scale how have we not figured out a faster way to boil water. I ain't got time to wait here for 10 minutes

First #spinnin of 2026

I can finally announce:

I am in the next season (series) of Taskmaster! My favorite tv show! I’ve seen every season & some multiple times! Thrilled to be with this group of hilarious sweeties.
Amy Gledhill
Joanna Page
Armando Iannucci
Joel Dommett
And me!

twitter: new update, every time you post, elon musk is literally going to break into your house and shit directly into your mouth
users: that sucks but….i mean i HAVE to stay on there…..

I’m a single issue voter and my issue is that those busses that bend in the middle should make accordion noises

Well well well. If it isn't the actions of my own consequences.

Me every time I walk into the room designed for people to piss and shit and fart in: Why the FUCK does it smell like piss and shit and fart in here

Don't let absolute dogshit be the enemy of fine

MY FELLOW COMRADES we will MARCH on MUNCHIES CHIPS HEADQUARTERS and DEMAND they remove the FUCKING PRETZELS from their product or at least offer a version without PRETZELS or maybe 50% LESS PRETZELS our VOICES WILL BE HEARD!! POWER TO THE PEOPLE!!

You know who I hate? Those "hate is a strong word" mfers

Purposefully lowercasing when my phone automatically capitalizes the name of a brand or company

I'm fighting capitalism on two different angles

Just invented the coolest person ever: Unproblematic Steve Harvey

Introducing: Dawnquil and Twilightquil

68 must be feeling like Squidward having 2 annoying ass neighbours

Leftovers? What about rightunders

The amount of dudes who will be at Halloween parties wearing blue jays jerseys as a costume tomorrow... I don't think we as a society are ready for that

#spinnin may end up being my AOTY. Short and sweet but does everything right

Kevin Parker what are u doing chief 😭

Maybe if one sports game is enough to lock up our entire city's transportation infrastructure, then our city is broken.
We need enormous investment into transportation and radical changes in our city design.
This happens every week. "That's just the way things are" is a huge barrier to real progress

Using the bathroom after eating Burger King, call that a Royal Flush

Ovens take way too long to preheat. I don't have the time for this