Outdoor furniture looks fantastic at the shop because the display is always inside... #FirstWorldBankHolidayProblems

I think this disqualifies you for being 'basic'. I do agree though...

You are missing an opportunity to review your purchase with the phrase "I'm sitting on the fence..."

If you forget to collect a birthday cake just checking that's not something absolutely needed on the day...

Online retailers - I don't need emails about every stage of your delivery process! All I care about is when it will arrive at my house...

Bet it hasn't sold as well as that one about an American illusionist by Charles Dickens...

I hope he had time for an Easter egg hunt first...

So... two bee, or not two bee. That is the question...

You should have served pa-Padam Padam...

They make up for that with lots of Vitamin 'arrr'....

If it's anything like my school days, there won't be many ticks...

Always annoying when the toilets are blocked up…

Reminds me of my Hobbit based TV spin-off idea. "The Great Pottery Frodo-wn..."

I'll just leave this here...
amzn.eu/d/cxG3tpn

You're one line away from an elegant haiku...

Why did the Romans build so much of their best stuff underground...?

Yes! Honourable mentions to a submarine powered by baking powder and image shifting dinosaur cards that inspired Nintendo's 3DS...

Now putting Fiona in the same category… #TheTraitors

Hitting 88 would take you back to the start...

It's definitely possible. I've seen a dog do it...

Insult of the week: "I don't think you're a Traitor. You're just a bad Faithful..." #TheTraitors

As someone with social anxiety I always feel nervous about meeting a group of new people I don’t know… #TheTraitors

Not sure why all these other world countries have their fireworks at odd times of day instead of waiting until midnight... #happynewyear

Makes a nice change from kittens and puppies. It's raining...

Just finished this - a devastatingly powerful read. That wasn't me crying in my local coffee shop...

I would have helped but was away in Pret A Manger…

Hope your affections were returned. Best to avoid a fridge-id magnet...

Inventor of the silent door chime - what a bell...

“Always keep out of reach of children” is good advice for life in general as well as hazardous cleaning products…

Its counterpart "stupid question..." is equally annoying. If you're asking me, I'll be the judge of that. But if you're sure it's stupid, why are you wasting my time...?