How can we? It would truly be a Neverending Story.

Neighborhood had an emergency meeting. Only one item on the agenda: The handsomeness of the new Ice Cream Man. He's too handsome. So handsome in fact that we wasted hours trying to capture it in words. Nothing was accomplished. Why do the beautiful insist on terrorizing us?

A married woman wearing a giant watermelon slice

A married woman dressed in a green gown and golden headpiece.

A married woman dressed like an English cavalier

A married woman dressed as a Vegas showgirl

And now some photos from the 1982 Mrs. America pageant which, as far as I know, was the only beauty pageant contested specifically by the married women of America. They had to make their own costumes. This is just what a wife had to do back then.

I think my favorite episode of Unsolved Mysteries was the one where they try to solve the mystery of existence and at the end Robert Stack declared that meat was the ultimate reality.

Watched the Mr. Mustache competition at the mall. A celebration of human excellence against a backdrop of abandoned storefronts. Transcendent walruses. Handlebar heaven. I wept. I am still weeping. I will never apologize for being alive.

Happy Birthday!

There was a cardinal flittering amongst the thorn bushes. I imagine I am cursed now.

A frankly poor representation of Mandy Moore modeling an AIDS bracelet

Also found this. It is a graduation present a friend painted for me in 2005. It is of an AIDS bracelet ad featuring Mandy Moore that was in magazines at the time. I don’t remember receiving it and she neither remembers painting it nor what would’ve possessed her to paint it in the first place.

A small, totemic representation of Kaled scientist Davros perhaps most famous for creating the Daleks.

Backyard shed blew down so we’re going through the rubble and I found a baby Davros.

Gonna go find some coyotes and Rabiesmaxx.

Quatermass and The Pitt:

The discovery of the 10-million-year-old skeleton of a Looksmaxxer below the Pittsburgh Trauma Medical Center forces Dr. Robby and a visiting Professor Quatermass to conclude that all of society's problems are because of aliens and then everything explodes.

Quatermass and The Pitt:

The discovery of the 10-million-year-old skeleton of a Looksmaxxer below the Pittsburgh Trauma Medical Center forces Dr. Robby and a visiting Professor Quatermass to conclude that all of society's problems are because of aliens and then everything explodes.

Good idea. BTW, can I borrow a stews worth of money?

A cracked park bench that has nothing to do with my butt.

The city council is trying to frame me. They're saying I used my "Big ol' Butt" for an act of "butt-based terroristic vandalism" to strike at the "core values of the city with my huge, radical ass." I'm being set up. This goes all the way to the top. This whole thing is bigger than my butt.

Real Post:

Fairly sure my neighbor is pouring out beef stew in front of the backyard fence on our side of the property specifically to aggravate our dog.

A bad picture. On the left side of the picture, a giant worm balances a cat head. The Cat head says, "Cool vortex, bro!" At the center of the picture a swirling vortex spurts blood. At the right side of the picture is my nephew with no feet. He says, "Thanks! My dad bought it for me. It goes to Blood Hell."

A bad picture. On the left side, a giant worm balances a cat head. The Cat head says, "Cool vortex, bro!" At the center of the picture a swirling vortex spurts blood. At the right side of the picture is my nephew with no feet. He says, "Thanks! My dad bought it for me. It goes to Blood Hell."

Yes. Obviously.

I was the one that convinced Tchaikovsky to put cannons in the 1812 Overture. I was all, "Pyotr Illyich, we need to rock this shit," and he was all talking in Russian so I didn't understand a word he said and that's when I realized the portal moves you not just through space but fucking time.

I get this with pancakes.

I had some thoughts in my head that @sean.tuesdayknightgames.com told me to think and the great @soengery.bsky.social drew them. Just look at this rad shit!

I had some thoughts in my head that @sean.tuesdayknightgames.com told me to think and the great @soengery.bsky.social drew them. Just look at this rad shit!

Do you think Porco Rosso ever cut off a finger and cooked it to see if he tasted good?

Talking to my neighbor. We were blowing on dandelions. Gossamer seeds danced upon a cool spring breeze. Higher and higher into a cerulean sky so transcendent that our tear stained cheeks ached from laughter. Then this dude came out of nowhere and just kicked the shit out of us.

Listening to one of Franklin Delano Roosevelt's fireside chats he used to do over the radio. He keeps talking about a goblin loose in the white house eating all the cheddar and shitting on the ceiling. "Got one of Teddy's old guns. This gloopy ghoul will be dead by dawn." Should've served 5 terms.

They lace the cigarettes with the liquid remnants of a dipped toon from Roger Rabbit to promote the growth of "Silly Cancers" animated tumors that sing and dance and generally make the suicide process much more enjoyable.

They lace the cigarettes with the liquid remnants of a dipped toon from Roger Rabbit to promote the growth of "Silly Cancers" animated tumors that sing and dance and generally make the suicide process much more enjoyable.

Talking to my neighbor. We were blowing on dandelions. Gossamer seeds danced upon a cool spring breeze. Higher and higher into a cerulean sky so transcendent that our tear stained cheeks ached from laughter. Then this dude came out of nowhere and just kicked the shit out of us.

I knew an octopus once. He was born with two extra tentacles. The other octopi called him Squids. I was hanging out at Squid's house one day when he started crying. "Anthony, I'm hideous. Unfuckable. Will you cut off my freak arms?" But it was too late. I had already drowned.

I knew an octopus once. He was born with two extra tentacles. The other octopi called him Squids. I was hanging out at Squid's house one day when he started crying. "Anthony, I'm hideous. Unfuckable. Will you cut off my freak arms?" But it was too late. I had already drowned.

Despite everything that has happened in the past year, I am still optimistic about bulky item trash pickup day and the promise of the disappearance of bulky items from my life.