I hope the last tyrannosaurus and the last triceratops were able to put aside their differences at the end.

Started laughing out loud like a maniac driving home from my first day at work because it started to sink in that for the first time in my life I have a really good job with upward mobility and solid wages

That was a close one...

On weekends back at Sorcery School we used to chug an Elixir of Enlightenment and chase it with a Fool's Tonic. We called it rubber banding

There will be other days after this one.

You don't understand what's happening here.

Outdated ideas, outdated terms, outdated defenses for an outdated man like Homer. Not surprising.

That I can agree on.

He can change! He can learn! He chooses not to because it's easier and because he can count on everyone to let it slide. Yes I include Joe in "everyone".

You don't understand what's happening here.

Drinks like crazy, eats like crazy, neglects his family like crazy. Sure, just like every other human, he's capable of love. He's also capable of change, which he refuses to do, to the detriment of everyone around him. He needs to be LOCKED UP!

Homer is an oaf, a bully, a dullard, an ogre, a monster. He beats his son and is directly responsible for the death of his neighbour. Marge loves him because she doesn't know that she deserves better. He should be alone and in prison.

Simon has left the band and whats worse Alvin said our band is called Alvin and the Chipmunk now. like im just a thing

Villain

I seriously can't stand guys like this

Person smiling wearing hat that says FORGIVE ELLEN

Wearing this hat to my grandma's birthday dinner and just having to answer a bunch of bullshit questions the whole goddamn night

Enjoying the bullshit Chipmunks act on my timeline today

Never happened huh

Not interested bro thanks

JoyousPig

Just realized I can finally turn off notifications from Indeed

Two wise sages telling each other exactlyyyyyyyy

(Gets hit really hard in the head and becomes obsessed with false memories of a kid's show called Stuggy's Storage) You'll are lowkeynuinely sleeping on Stuggy. (Stuff coming out of my ear) It's straight up people forgot about Stuggy. Stuggy went crazy

My buddy found a real pixie by the creek when we were kids but he just picked its wings off and stuffed it in his pocket. It was screaming a lot. Never saw it again, I stopped talking to him after that

I am paid a very high salary to design new ways to hurt innocent people. Please don't hurt me. I want to live. My job is to hurt your children. Please, don't do anything to me. I want to be safe. My job is to make your family sick. I want to live. Please, I deserve to live. My job kills you. Please,

Genetically engineering an apple that makes you cough, I call it a Coughing Apple

I've been thinking a lot lately and I've decided that it's fun to ride on the train and to use the train to get where you need to go.

One time I got too high by accident and my buddies were trying to explain the rules of Warhammer 40k to me but I just thought they were telling me about a game they had made up. I was absolutely flabbergasted at how many dice were needed in this game my two friends had made up.

I work for the department of defense and I get paid $17,000/hr to train an AI to perfectly recreate the personality of every Peep Show character. Working on Super Hans first, but all I can get it to say is "Well that's me arse well shagged innit". Don't think he even says that

What the hell, man?

I was the first guy to ever have a cold beer out on the balcony after work

Don't know polonius but I think a mindset is a good thing! #thelessiknowthebetter