just watched a redneck eating chicken tikka masala for the first time describe it as “if a country italian person prepared it in a chinese kinda way”

Hey man, we cool? I just noticed that when I look at you the reticle turns red.

As a big fan of Funniest Possible Outcomes, all I can say is lol. lmao, even.

for all the "speak plainly to an imagine middle class" consultant dreck that the Dems are insisting on trotting out again, none of them seem willing to address the fact that they're talking about "working together" with a bunch of people you couldn't trust to organize a broom closet

y'all remember how, in the wake of the ICE detainees getting shot that we don't talk about anymore, Patel posted "bullets with Anti-ICE messaging" on them and the ballpoint pen ink was still damp

My cousin Shawn took weed to impress a girl when we were teenagers and his asshole & penis switched places. All the doctors at the (real) Pitt threw up when they saw it. Be my guest and Get “high” if you want this to happen to you

As a software engineer, this shit terrifies me to no end. Y'all need to stop turning your homes, the one final bastion of privacy, into willing panopticons.

Stoned on a Monday
Toked on a Tuesday
Wasted on Wednesday
Terped on Thursday
Fried on Friday
Buried on Saturday

I don't think having money automatically makes you evil but I think the first check you get cut by the WWE is the personal morals equivalent of getting kicked in the head by a horse

As an Asian, cabbage is very good. As an American, I know when the media starts talking about how cabbage is very good it means we’re about to get real poor

Lynne Thigpen as "The Chief" from Where In Time Is Carmen Sandiego

Lock the fuck in, Gumshoes. Carmen Sandiego stole a priceless wax pressing of "One of These Nights" by the Eagles. You've got to stop her before she travels back in time to 149 BC Carthage and trades it to Scipio Africanus the Younger for a kilo of the good shit.
*Rockapella bops on stage*

the more i think about this, the more i think about how i have not heard this phrasing just about anywhere and i'm a prison abolitionist, the more i feel that part of what happens here is a think tank group just TELLS these guys that (phrase) is everywhere, out of control, and they go "oh shit!"

i found the alien child playing with pvc pipe video

LeBron does not get enough flowers for calling Trump a bum

Look at me, I’m Trent Reznor, I’m in a world famous band with my hot wife and two electro nerds and I have multiple academy awards and Coachella ended up being a family vacation for us, fuck you

screenshot of vaporeon in the evolution page in pokemon soul silver with the text "Congratulations! Your Fishpuppy"

Congratulations! Your Fishpuppy

YOU'RE ASKING HER TO MAKE YOU COFFEE???? I HOPE YOU GET SCANNERS'D BY A FLUORESCENT LIGHT BULB

YOUR WIFE LOVES HIM YOU SADSACK MOTHERFUCKER!!! EAT SHIT AND DIEEEEEEEEEEEE

Chuck McGill is such a huge piece of shit

cool, glad you're on the record as not caring about people being misgendered :-)

how is somebody with twenty-three THOUSAND followers who did multiple QRTS with the explicit purpose of doubling down on ill-informed, racist rhetoric being dogpiled here

hey, white transfem here, get the fuck over yourselves already jesus fucking christ

she's straight-up posting like the person in the "you are a tar pit" post, it's fucking staggering

Sisko makes a clock that stays in his office for the rest of the show!

guide to reading the news for the next six months:

1. the strait of hormuz is closed
2. israel is still bombing or occupying something
3. if there is news of a ceasefire, go to step 2
4. if there is news of the strait being open, go to step 1