Last night we let the boom pop talk

friends gf seinfeld bf

if vitamin, why not fuit gumy?

“omg we were so crazyyy” and it’s 3 girls in the backseat of a mid size sedan

showing hole in the king’s court

ripping the pen soulfully and with intent as i peruse various horse biographies and lineages

*ugh agh ough* like he’s taking poison damage

get your foot knives we’re going hocking

white people went crazy w the dachshund

holding a press conference after my 4:45 white castle crave case to apologize to friends and loved ones

a warrant for my arrest has been issued by the roku city police department

(kind, incontinent British man)

good heavens i’ve pissed myself

“who’s your favorite actress?”

me, sick:

“uba thurbin”

this country survives thanks to a shadow society of thicc nurses with an attitude problem who know a little too much about everything

head game so crazy i call her the insinkerator

yeah because i don’t like it. in fact i clearly stated i hate it

hate this thanks

my loathsome servants seem unhappy with their allotment of crumbs and keep sprouting visible thought bubbles of me trussed up like a glistening ham

i miss beer twitter. where my beersky homies at

what’s a guy gotta do for some glommy around here

HOW TO CUT A CONVERSATION SHORT
• can't hear you over the kazoos
• expecting a call from my moose
• my kayak is approaching a waterfall
• duck is laying eggs in my purse
• my ham is ringing

beating tf out my meat (breaking up the bigger pieces of ground beef with my rubber spatula)

can i come over and explain in excruciating detail the history and nomenclature of smith & wesson revolvers

I would put my head in an industrial lathe if ella purnell asked me to nicely

priest holmes

Making up drill rapper names today.
PDK Glommy. 38 BodyDouble Lou. BSC YoungBoys.

she mangione on my luigi til I WAAAAOOOWWWW

tell her she got a glutey patootie. trust me

Obsidian bracelets, cheaply gold plated charms, ghoulish white oxfords, cream sunglasses with the lil strings danglin off each side that go round my neck. Fabulously adorned, cliqued up, seen by christ