SO I HEARD

interesting how weather forecasts have gotten so inaccurate in the last few months 🤔🤔🤔 I’m having better luck staring at clouds and licking my finger and holding it in the air

my very first time in the detroit airport and their playlist goes harder than any airport i’ve been to (britney spears. third eye blind. ariana grande.)

never forget that I am your biggest fear ❤️

like this skeet so i don’t rage quit bluesky tonight

so good to be back in minnesota where a coworker is eating venison hot dish for lunch

the noah’s ark vibe at restaurants on on valentine’s day is so off putting

by 8 AM in memphis someone had already brought up the murder rate. also in memphis there is GREEN earl gray tea (disturbing)

At the Deathbed, by Edvard Munch, 1895

“How are you in the sulphuric caverns, Elon?”

Maybe the best sentence i have read in the new york times

Incredible to sit through 3.5 hours of the brutalist just to have the two people behind us ask “what… was that about?” at the end.

i said “uh… the unbreakable human spirit?”

and she said “it seemed pretty broken to me”

what would i have to do to a toilet seat to get HPV

pet peeve: when someone calls their lawfully wedded spouse their “adventure buddy”

in 2025 i want to make a pair of cowboy boots hold me to this!!!

stay strong

I will never call my dog babygirl again

don’t forget CRUNCHY ON THE OUTSIDE

today i said “happy birthday rabbi josh” to two people and they thought rabbi josh was legitimately my rabbi

I cry a lot but I’m so productive

whaddup my name Skyrizi @eija4.bsky.social

and none of them are the dog of wisdom :(

Looked inside my brain and saw this committee was in charge. If you don’t like something I said take it up with these guys

i need a bouncer on my feed. the club is at capacity for any more words about anora

breaking news: tony zmuda is 45 years old!

my mom: “so today i really wanted to listen to Flo Rida”

don’t forget these dogs are TOUGH

not to be confused with the GONAD diet (eating gonads)

nothing like eitan’s manager looking me in the eyes to ask if i want children and my response is word vomit about our brand new carpet cleaning device

check the DA, the USDA

the ghost of christmas past somehow turned on our fireplace today (i pressed no buttons). i made eitan drive home from work and turn the gas completely off