Did Mike's mom ever bring him a Pepsi? I feel like it's been 40+ years, he deserves some refreshment. #imnotcrazy #institutionalized #suicidaltendencies #esoterichumor

I wonder if Ancient Greek salesmen made up the tale of Apollo and Daphne so they could sell more Laurel Crowns. #mythology

i wish it wasn't weird to do yoga on the train to work.

#obviouswisdom The difference between palm trees and coconut trees:

Palm trees grow straight up, their trunks are thicker.
Coconut trees are thinner. Their trunks are curved.
And they have coconuts on them.

#themoreyouknow #mymomsaysimfunny #comedy #hashtags

A strong man can admit he's weak. A weak man will boast of his strength. But if it's hard to tell, you gotta look at the evidence. #obviouswisdom #profound #stupid

I miss the good old days, when Jamba Juice and Subway were healthy.