Went to go visit my dad and i overheard him asking the air conditioner repair guy, “How long you been lifting?”. Probably gonna leave soon.

No Kings

Thank God the fires in LA are out so people can go back to posting their always hilarious self tape outtakes.

Throw him back in the fire.

Guys, Jerry Jones is a really good actor. Would love to see him in Wicked 2.

My ex posted her top 10 movies of the year like anyone cares but I agree with most of them and I just hate her.

I’ve been sick and I’ve been playing an old video game called “Inside”. At one point you play as a blob made up of you and other people with everyone’s arms and legs coming out and lots of groaning. A very accurate depiction of how I’ve felt the last 5 days. Cool game, tho.

Don’t stop there. Eliminate daylight. Fulfill your destiny.

Happy Birthday, sweet spirit.

I was the part of the Cabbage Patch Riots in 1983.

Happy Thanksgiving to everyone except my ex who one year drank a lot and threw two turkey legs at me with the precision of a ninja just because she was “not a fan of my face”.

🎉🎉

There will be 4 glorious days of barely any traffic in LA. I plan to cruise down Ventura Blvd with the sunroof open and yell out my credits.

Well, that didn’t take long.

I am here.