I dunno, man. I'm just gonna leave women alone. This shit is exhausting

I'm jealous of people that can draw. What do you mean you can draw boobs whenever you want

Woman: Hi, my name is Dawn.

Me, not knowing what homophones are: Your name is Don?

Had a dream I broke my wrist and the doctor, in that slowed down, reverb tiktok voice said "you're low key gonna be a lefty, now"

Stop saying "cool" and start snapping your finger and going "that's the ticket!" In a rough cockney accent

How dare Joe Biden start a war with Iran, raise gas prices, kick people off Healthcare, eat babies, delay GTA6, forgot about Dre, killed the radio star, attacked the Fire nation, didn't rewind his Blockbuster videos, and let Dennis the Menace drive Mr. Wilson to suicide.

I didnt vote for this

I don't have to worry about the catching print movement

Oh thank God I thought this was a porn parody

Chappell Roan about to devour a small child after being summoned in the fairy fountain, (2026 colorized)

Maybe it wouldn't be closed if it was called the Gay of Hormuz

Hey man, sorry your mom is dying of throat cancer but can you maybe take your very personal call outside and not in my place of business on fucking speaker phone, you deranged shit pickle

Stop telling people to shut up, and start normalizing telling them "I reclaim my time" and walk away

There's video out there of two dudes fucking each other in the ass, and it's still not as gay as Kid Rock's Half Assed Show

The Israeli spy in charge of following me just put my bris on my Google calendar. Seems a bit late for that, to be fair

BREAKING NEWS: Starscream is NOT in the Epstein Files

So, my dog almost dies of a grand mal seizure last night and I'm just supposed to go to work tomorrow? The fuck?

MAGA: THE SECOND AMENDMENT IS THE MOST IMPORTANT PART OF THE CONSTITUTION

Also those diaper baby retard fucks when the fucking piss drinking pedo President of the United States okays literal execution in the streets:

Good Lord, he's turning into Voldemort faster than I thought

Bad Bunny should get up there at the Super Bowl, do a great set and then just end the last few minutes with silence. Can you imagine how Looney Tunes level pissed MAGA would be if their beloved pass time was interrupted for a few minutes by person of color by not saying anything

I wonder what the first Dilbert comic written from hell will be like

I don't need good vibes, I need ICE agents getting curb stomped on my FYP daily

Sorry, ma'am. It's a schlort

You ever accidently leave your phone at home and have to rawdog work?

Me on Tuesday at 5:30pm

Hurtful but you right

Mad lib ass post

Woody Allen was at the island? The island where they diddled kids? Woody Allen? The guy that married his daughter with a 35 year age gap? That Woody Allen? Get the fuck out of here