You will bring joy to the most beautiful of creatures

Am i pregnant now

Just walked past a woman and she looked me up and down and went "Mmmmnnn!"

COMICALLY

where do you see yourself in five years? i see myself gnawing on a comedically large bone

biddle me this, ratman

i can't help but say things in the cadence of "chicken jockey..."

if i ever say anything that makes you worry about me just know i am going to live forever and there is nothing in this world that could ever make me feel anything less than absolute euphoria

(holding a toaster above me in the bathtub) buddy i would do anything for you just tell me when

i would die for any of my mutuals. just give the word i've got everything set up

i could fix griffith...

we all know I have no life, so:

been playing tomodachi life lately. it's good

the things i say past 9 pm cst represent my unburdened soul. the things i say at every other time represent my beautiful body

evincing things

this is so real tbh

dog HATES when raining

A reply on twitter from october 11th, 2020, written by someone named William G. Shulik, username of @Kiluhs. It has four retweets and 34 likes, including one like from myself. It reads as follows: My driving instructor used to yell at me to take him to a nonexistent place to get coffee called the Burger Hut. I never showed up to the last lession because it freaked me out too much. Still don't know what he meant by Burger Hut & I didn't get my license until 10 years later.

posting the Burger Hut tweet here because I love it deeply and it doesn't exist anywhere else anymore

don't talk to me until i've had your coffee

practicing my 🤨 face

i could start saying "what the fudge???" but in my mind that's too explicit

amoung s

let's all be 6'3

Posting "I'm 6'2" by the way 😌" and waiting for the DMs to roll in

gonna start talking about characters from my stories as though they're pop culture icons

getting ready for a fight by cracking my knuckles with a wrench

yup. trently's back

therapist tells me i "shouldn't ask questions i don't want the answers to"

Yall make me happy :) good night

i'm your funniest fan