I know linguists say that you can’t speak your native language incorrectly, but they’ve never met me

I’ve been preparing for the impending global food shortage by becoming as fat as humanely possible for my entire life leading up to this

I s2g is the Oxford comma is supposed to be an LLM tell now, I’m gonna invent a new kind of torture just for Sam Altman

I wonder why there are so many veterinarians from Vietnam

FYI to my Apple friends: The Artemis crew brought their iPhones. I hope your time zone and calendar code is working well 😅

NASA is in Florida so that the engineers that are forced to live there will want to get as far away as possible

I speak English moderately alright I guess and I speak like 4 different other languages, but they all come out as an incomprehensible soup of each other. My condolences to anyone who actually speaks any one of them in particular

För mig är den antifascistiska kampen en kamp för överlevnad. Jag förstår att det inte så för alla, men jag tänker inte tillåta att vänner drabbas av en stat som inte går efter allas bästa.

I hope all the people (rightfully!) attending #NoKings events today are also directing that energy into other forms of action, too. Stay safe, y’all, the world will be equal if we make it that way

We both spell it sándwich, but they pronounce is “sahndwich” and I pronounce it “sayundwich”

Making all my Latino friends mad by using accent marks to denote where words should sound more redneck

Why has everyone been building “the future of ______” for this entire decade? I live now, in the present. I still need to use things, too

Gonna move to Rome, change my name to Maggiano, and start a tour company that’ll show you the entire country. Maggiano’s Big Italy

We really did rule the world, man. Ever since I’ve moved to Europe, I’ve made friends from everywhere. Germany, Russia, Indonesia, etc. They all speak our language, no matter where they’re from. Why did we decide we don’t want that?

Multiculturalism is raw as hell. I’m sitting in an Australian bar in Amsterdam watching an American hockey game while drinking Dutch beer and eating a burger made of kangaroo meat. God bless the Netherlands

Boomers ruined the world, and now the state of everything has pushed everyone I know under 35 to become a devout leftist. Our anti-vaxxer parents gave us all leningitis

The United States is straight up evil now. We’re gonna have to change the flag when all this is done. I get the same feeling from it now that I do when I see a swastika

May the lord above protect upon my American compatriots as they’re forced to fight another pointless war, and may he grant mercy to those he can’t, but may each gun jam and may each missile misfire. May he forgive us for all the suffering we’ve caused

Ok let the record show that this was made prior to the start of this particular war. Today extra sucks

The world may be scary rn, but I’m an indomitable optimist and you cannot kill me. We’re all gonna be alright

I’m really lucky to have the community that I have. It’s big and it spans across the entire globe. That sucks at times, because I can’t see everyone in person that I want to, but just know that if you’re reading this, I’m so happy that you exist and I’m so thankful that you’re in my life

Becoming American should be as easy as ordering a hamburger. You should only have to say “I want to be American” and a passport and voter ID should suddenly appear in your mailbox, no matter where in the world you live. Idk why you’d wanna summon the IRS like Beetlejuice but you should be able to

Hockey is also not for Kash Patel specifically

Hockey is for everyone, including women. Only exception being the people who think hockey isn’t for everyone

It sucks so much being a hockey fan and an American because the USMNT is so good but then they immediately ruin it

Remember like 5 years ago when people were talking about how the global financial system was inevitably going to become based completely upon NFTs and Dogecoin or whatever any anybody who wasn’t investing right then was gonna be left behind?

Very eerie how I can see multiple USAF aircraft every day on their way to the Middle East. They all pass over my apartment in The Hague. Hopefully they’ll be forced to stop here someday

I hope this ends within the next 24 minutes because I have a client meeting at the top of the hour but I don’t wanna put this down 😬

How we feelin’ now? 😅

Extremely funny that if you’re registering to vote as an American living abroad, they ask you if you ever intend to return to the US, and your options are only “yes” and “uncertain”