no

you are mentally ill

you are mentally ill

so yes

shut the fuck up

are you having a stroke

I’ve only been in Vegas for 10 minutes and I now fully understand that only American hubris could’ve created this in the middle of the god forsaken desert

imagine drinking a Monster out there

air fryer dead

I have made a terrible decision

Clearly my pilot ticked the “maximum turbulence” button on Google maps,

JetBlue said:

as always if I die on my flight please ensure that recording artist Bruno Mars is bound and tossed into my grave so he is forced to serve me in the afterlife as my personal Monster Energy sommelier

I’m gonna chug this entire monster right before boarding so it all hits me at once and I get scared at 30,000 feet fifteen minutes into a 5h flight

wow, and to think we had come so far in equality for you to say this

shameful

it is your god damn American right to tell the TSA agent about your foreskin

love 2 travel

dog who is having a gun battle in Chinatown in Boston right now it’s 230 in the morning give it a rest

lukewarm gas station lobster roll and a monster, the true CEO Breakfast®

crazy ass find in grandmas basement tonight

my kids are playing some pretend game and my son just said in an extremely deep voice-

“I am the OWNER of this store… and you must remember the first rule as employee— if you come across a KAREN… YOU MUST NOT LET HER WIN”

As I get older the more sick I think this fit becomes

imagine the doorbell ringing and getting up in the middle of the night hitting them with the “whoms’t goes there??”

hey Verizon is service back yet

Verizon:

I saw this clip and was like "ah look at that little guy! i love a little robot guy! wonder what he does..."

until about 18 seconds in and then i realized i missed the text on the box behind him

idk what you think i can do about it

twitter has truly become one of the worst websites in existence, what a spectacular downfall

[I’m in Stranger Things but I grew up in an abusive household] lots of normal things happening here guys what’s the big deal

I HATE I HATE I HATE I HATE I HATE I HATE

I can’t believe this fucking worm isn’t named Richard Scarry every single time I saw this worn I was like “ah, Richard Scarry, love that little guy”

EXISTS

ARE YOU FUCKIJG KIDDING ME THE WORMS NAME ISN’T RICHARD SCARRY?? THEN WHO THE FUCK IS RICHARD SCARRY??