Sometimes when I fly on a big, nice, steady plane, I feel like I'm going to die because I *can't* feel the engines and turbulence.

It's something like that.

Calculated risk: legal reputation vs. money you get (up front, I imagine) from villains

14. Ironically adding the local hometown of any celebrity or invention or whatever.

"The Pink Panther? By West Aliquippa's own Henry Mancini?"

"Nine Inch Nails? Hm ... Oh! The angry boy, from Mercer. Yes, I know them."

The LotR version of the Magic card Essence Warden (the one not drawn by a TERF). Flavor text: “Elves seldom give unguarded advice, for advice is a dangerous gift, even from the wise to the wise.” —Gildor

"Advice is a dangerous gift, even from the wise to the wise."

Everything here mirrors lots of people I personally know (sad trombone)

13. Doing my D&D character's voice (I am told this is no longer considered as cringe now that they do it famously on YouTube).

12. Actually trying to follow the "10/4 rule" as a retail employee.

11. Only brewing tea for the recommend amount(s) of time.

I feel strongly about using a comma for parenthetical interjections, I'm happy to report.

Things sound less scary to people who have hyped themselves up that they are already in the worst possible situation imaginable.

Virgin bureaucracy vs. Chad working groups type of shit

"Come out and see famous Pittsburgh Pirate, Barry Bonds!"

"Uh, buddy, that's Sean Casey."

"Look, he's on a baseball card in Pirate gear, I own it, that's the guy."

McClatchy? Christ. He would have put better players' names on his actual players' Pirates jerseys if he could have.

By the time we're home tonight (this morning), we will have been traveling for 12.5 hours (15.5 if you include time zone shifts).

I guess historically speaking, that's good for 2200 miles, but I gotta say, it's not ideal.

Surely you remember Gangnam Style. We survived that. Nothing is written.

Nothing besides Assad Numbers even makes sense. Liking this guy publicly should get you an uncomfortable HR meeting.

Enormous, greasy, meaty dumps. Blue dumps! Not healthy, like deep red dumps.

If anyone unironically says "Unfairfax," I'm jumping out of the internet

Look, as an artist, being as statistically influential as Freaks and Geeks is an accomplishment, but I don't think it should dictate policy

We're gonna have to listen to grifter fascists talk about Huge Dumps again, aren't we

Hey, that's a hell of a thing to say about *checks notes* A Couple People's Favorite TV Program

Which Republican has ever said that shit. It's literally as described here: a mirror universe Bluesky post

10. Defending the practice of not using an Oxford Comma, or indeed discussing the shit at all

9. Deleting posts with typos or bad autocorrect to re-post them, rather than leaving them because you know what the fuck I mean (i.e. The Cool Way)

8. Quoting Monty Python and the Holy Grail, anywhere, ever, because in 2026 it can only be cringe

7. High-pitched WOOing at a joyous occasion

It's my favorite and what I grew up with, lol. We got normal pizza, too, but ... meh

6. Read and enjoy the newspaper comics that are meant for middle-aged readers, as long as they are actually funny.

5. Insist on using all the corny alternate names for Bloody Marys when they have other liquors or specific ingredients in them