Just requested $400 million from Qatar on Venmo.

Big Brother is Golfing

🎶 We’re going down, down all because of this clown, MAGA can’t understand “winning”, that incel missed with a bullet, loaded god complex, dipshit to pulpit 🎶

COLORADO - I’ve got some shows.

‘Penguin Tariff’ is a great name for a prog-rock band.

Watching Elon Musk cry about losing billions of dollars should be a channel on Porn Hub.

To add insult to injury, you could put it in the “Trans” section… for hair transplants.

I keep forgetting this site exists.

Dude got convicted of 34 felonies but somehow we’re the ones serving a 4 year sentence.

JD Vance is the PT Cruiser of people.

Mick Maverick at #medium wrote a list of up and coming comedians. @stanleymike.bsky.social is on it. We’ve known he was great for a long time! His album, Shiner (scroll to see) is on limited, colored #vinyl, and available on our shop, and the special is free to watch on #tubi.

#vinylcollection

In celebration to Lauren Bobert dating Kid Rock, Moutain Dew has agreed to start putting cigarette butts in all of their products.

25 Stand-Up Comics You Need to Know Before They Blow Up With Netflix pumping out specials and big names selling out arenas, you might think you’ve seen it all in stand-up. But beyond the…

Solid group of people to be associated with! Thank you Medium!

Two more planes crashed? Look, I fly almost every weekend and while I never thought doing stand up for a living was necessarily “brave” I’m starting to rethink my position.

Fixed it

Another plane fell out of the sky? Damn, I never thought I’d long for the days of last year when our biggest concerns were the doors flying off mid flight. We’re really out doing ourselves. I’m sure everything is fine though.

I went to buy a mattress today for the ‘Presidents Day Sale’ but they were all four hundred mill and on fire.

Grub Hub is great if you’re in the mood for paying double and eating what you didn’t order.

Home run every time!

Imagine if you were hired as an accountant to balance the books but instead you just renamed the copy machine. Thats how dumb all of this is.

I guarantee you he thinks it’s spelled “Golf” of Mexico.

I like to think that the cybertruck drove itself there to get away from Elon like the rest of his kids.

My favorite end of the year tradition is buying a shirt I don’t want for an event I don’t want to go to.

I got everyone Ozempic.

Crazy that the reward for finding this dude isn’t free healthcare.

To be fair, living in America, a country with a frothing obsession with guns, where we substitute healthcare for podcasts IS a preexisting condition.

Royal Oak, Michigan - I’ll be headlining 5 shows at Ridley’s Comedy Castle starting this Thursday. Grab tix! See you there!

www.comedycastle.com/events/?view...

Just think, next year we’ll all be enjoying a glass of raw milk in a bunker! Happy Thanksgiving, everyone!

Donate to LIVEr STRONG - journey to get David a new liver, organized by Courtney Roth Hi everyone.  I want to start off by sharing our Caring Bridge site for … Courtney Roth needs your support for LIVEr STRONG - journey to get David a new liver

Donate here!

www.gofundme.com/f/liver-stro...

Hey! Let’s put some good in the world! We met Dave when we did our show at the Stand U.P. Comedy Fest in Marquette, MI! He needs a new liver. Let’s help homie out! (Sorry about the audio) link below to donate!

RFK is going to ban energy drinks. Your Monster energy drink tattoo means nothing now, you useless bafoons!

*laughs maniacally

Ayyyy I’ve got shows in NYC • Brooklyn and St. Paul, MN coming up this week! Come hang, tell your friends!