What kind of bee makes milk?

A bOObee

a b & w pic of a woman holding a sign that says, I'm evil

logging on

They need to stop publishing books until I’m caught up reading them all.

(snuggling with my cat when she gets a look in her eye) are you about to bite me

cat: prrhaps

The welcome to your 50's skeets aren't funny anymore

tarot card reader: u are lying to urself, u are betraying urself, and u won't listen to anyone who tries to help

me: shuffle that shit again

if i had big boobs i could've saved the world but unfortunately i never will sorry folks

I wonder if the gnomes resent me for being king of the garden?

Sorry I yelled “FINISH HIM” at your son’s circumcision

Disappointed to learn Wolf Spiders don’t hunt in packs and howl at the moon.

No matter YOUR religion, basic humanity is the very root of most, if not all, religions.

So. When you put your religion before basic humanity I don’t give a fuck about your religion💋

Surround yourself with the kind of people who help turtles cross the road.

"that bitch make me nervous"

- me, about me

Not sure why I wasn’t picked to be the new CEO of Apple. I told them I’d release the same phone over and over and slightly increase the price each year. Thought I was a shoo-in.

Let's make this slaughterhouse, a slaughterHOME.

Me: so what kind of guy are you looking for?

Date: someone who’s big, strong, healthy and has a green thumb

Me: you just described the jolly green giant

I told my boss I was late because of all of you.
Expect a phone call.

Why is ham the only thing that gets honey glazed around here?

I base bronzed my foreskin for a soft sculpted look, please respond

Tom Cruise movies are so unrealistic. You never see him struggling to reach something on a high shelf.

No one ever talks about April 21st being National Drug Testing at Work Day

😎

I was sure your post was going in another direction!

there was no proof in that pudding, your honor

I want peace but I also want to fuck shit up

Wiki page with the Pittsburgh Penguins logo with an updated owner notification: Porter Malone (a Flyer who is dominating the Penguins in the playoffs)

👀 @melyssatk.bsky.social

😎

getting blocked by a ‘man’ is so funny like awww little princess did I hurt your feelings

My wife left me saying I was too paranoid and insecure. No wait! She was just making a cup of tea.

What if this whole excursion to Iran is just a ploy of Big Green Energy to force us to be woke?