I mean, i always made it home

"Yo- you gotta pick one! " begged through wracked desperate sobs

Fun fact: Will has little soft baby hands and has never felt hunger in his entire life

Some part of me believes he knew that took would get him killed eventually

The Architect from matrix in all of his morally sordid glory. Saying "we have procrastinated before leaving 248 different times, and we have become exceedingly efficient at it"

I will never learn

If i had more time I'd just procrastinate harder

Parent of the year bot-tan

I did kind of like them making other monarchs suck their dick (derogatory) if only for the fact that I hate everyone involved so their suffering pleases me

Chopped unc daughter, or looksmaxxing son?

They call them hangovers because im hanging in between life and death rn

Guy Who shits his pants for fun: your opinions on geopolitics are feeble, and childish.

Guy with 7 PhDs: i see where youre coming from, let me take time to consider a response

If this is winning, I think we gotta try losing

She's so polite, and despicably determined

I know yall have cats but you gotta understand that my cat is the best

I just wanted clean sheets, now I gotta go through a life changing event

Adhd is great because tell me why im drunk at 3 am fighting a fitted sheet for my life

Imma try this until it works. If she's meant to be this will he her vocal glass slipper

At least Jesus didn't have to go to work tomorrow. I know Jesus saw every sin that was and would be committed by mankind, but some part of me thinks that if he had to work food service he probably wouldn't have died for our sins

"My name is Scoobmandias, King of Kings;
Look on my Works, ye Mighty, and despair!" But its just your knees that Crack a lot

Made a couch rocking fart and didn't even laugh, depression hurts 😞

She thought we were vibing.

Tldr: these stories are like roaches, if you can see them its because there isn't any more room left to hide

You guys remember how it felt after 9/11? Even as a kid I could recognize this shit was insane. They're pouring that kind of service into isreal 24/7 356 for decades. It was illegal to boycott them. Insane to form any kind of political stance against them and have a career

I still can't believe how bad you have to fuck up for it to overpower the media arm of the united states

Does he fuck like a bat out of hell, cause ya boy looks like he's carrying demons behind those eyes

Helen Mirren in the devil wears Prada, I. The first panel she is looking down as if in furious disbelief at your choices, in the second panel she then looks up at you to see if something so stupid is even allowed to have a face

Saw someone say that books are a waste of time and I swear I gave them this exact look

Baby Tomi Thursday

This and smoking have given me the greatest job mobility and security. Its complete horseshit

"I call her big booty because she got a big booty" is groundbreaking so I don't want to qt

@bzvowell.bsky.social stands while he shits and thinks St. Anger is the best Metallica album.