i hope it's welsh like he did in doolittle

I'll tell you what's wrong with this country, it's 11.15 on a Friday night and you're all on here talking about Keir the Starmer

heard it's as long as the ceasefire lasts but he's not renowned for that is he

oil prices collapsing because people can stop using alternative methods

heard your boyfriend's strait of hormuz is back open

Asked Aretha Franklin which wildlife charities she supports. She said RSPB ETC.

Have a good weekend folks

*explaining to mum*
it's like, imagine if marks and spencer were doing a sale on £1 pants and everyone tried to run in to get the pants but because so many people tried to pay for pantsbat once they freaked out the checkout people and they panicked and hid under the table

Yeah, but who should we believe? An Augustinian friar who has spent his life studying religion or a possessed ventriloquist doll from a straight-to-video movie where he hunts cheerleaders?

for those who don't know, 404 is a http error code meaning "page not found", to be enjoyed alongside 403 "forbidden" and 418 "I'm a teapot"

what do scousers say when you tell them to shove herbs up their arse?

I ain't got no dildo

"the ballroom is deeply important to our national security" is world class skibidi brainrot

if you can make it through the opening line, you need to introduce the main character

name them carefully (not Kevin) because you will come to hate them more and more as the project continues, why are they failing to be interesting, Kevin I hate you

writing a screenplay can be very complicated, so let me guide you through how to begin

first, you write the words "we open on" and then you stare at it and hate it, "we open on"?, how tedious is that you dumb asshole why not try "our journey begins" or "once upon a time" why are you even doing this

and again

yes, i get this for those new shoes where you can put them on without bending over

shaggy haired little muffin boy, you are a good boy yes you are

*down a rabbithole*
en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Theory_...

they either burst or produce orbs

once again

lots of referee complaining and falling over clutching things from sporting lisbon, they are not in fact sporting

almost as good as when they used to shout "his nose is offside" at zlatan ibrahimovic

get off the pitch you fanny

at least there's two who can control the ball

on top of all that the pope plays warhammer 40k as tau, the lamest of all species

for all I know a barrel legged jumpsuit might be cool

might treat myself to one of those jumpers that has a shirt collar built-in so it looks like you're wearing a shirt

having the lamest midlife crisis of all time, just bought some jeans that aren't blue

*mortal kombat voice*
Flawless Victory

he doesn't know what this means beyond "some of them have beards"

never say "Okay", say "OK" instead, gives you more time to deadlift