It's 2026. I think we can start updating names of constellations. For example, the Big Dipper? It's Big Shopping Cart now.

this is your mission. roll up to this daycare in full tactical gear to harass some kids and teachers. when you get spooked by your own shadow like a panicked horse and start shooting your gun, our pedophile president will call the person you shot a terrorist. good luck soldier

White words on a black background read: 50+ Immigration agents have the authority to detain whom they reasonably suspect are in the country illegally. We found more than 50 Americans who were held after agents questioned their citizenship. They were almost all Latino. ~130 Agents also can arrest citizens who allegedly interfered with or assaulted officers. We compiled cases of about 130 Americans, including a dozen elected officials, accused of assaulting or impeding officers. ~20 Among the citizens detained are nearly 20 children, including two with cancer.

Hi, I'm the ProPublica reporter who's been tracking an unusual stat: U.S. citizens grabbed by immigration agents.

I did it because the government isn’t.

This is what I found.

I think you are tagging the wrong person.

MAGA 3 days ago: Chicago is about to find out the meaning of WAR

MAGA today: the left needs to stop condoning violence

The shapes don't make sense

I refuse to learn how to play Cribbage.

I'm not like other guys. I'm not thinking about "beer" and "cars". I'm thinking about esoteric things, like, uh, "molecules", and "statistics", and, like, "if bear traps are real."

Melanie H @hamnox RIP to everyone killed by the gods for their hubris but im different. and better. maybe even better than the gods

tweet by cj (@futurevictim_) from 2021: “the only lasting 9/11 memory i have is when the budweiser ad with the kneeling clydesdales came on during the super bowl and i said "those horses are praying to mecca" and my friend's uncle got so mad that he had to go in the backyard”

happy super bowl to all

Elmer is obviously attracted to Bugs in a way that Bugs is more aware of than Elmer but I don't think Bugs totally understands the depths of how reciprocal it is on his end. A fascinating relationship.

AOC: "I want folks at home to look at what members of Congress are invested in private prisons companies, and look at the votes on this bill. It is atrocious that people are lining their pockets with private prison profits in the name of a horrific tragedy."

It’s been such a hard year and it’s only getting harder 😢 just found out from one of my nephews that the floor is lava 😔 stay safe everyone

Probably the best time in history to be a mathematician was around 600 BC when you could get rich just for discovering triangles

BREAKING: NYPD has located the tunnel the assassin used to escape the city but found it to be merely a painting on a brick wall and smashed up several squad cars upon trying to enter it

this is what it must have felt like to hear Robin Hood stories in 1370

10-4 isn't some kind of secret cop code. it's actually a subtraction problem the police have been trying to solve for decades

There seems to be some confusion here, so just to be clear: AI is theft. You are not made an artist by using it. Go pick up a pencil. 💜

Gen Z detective arriving at the scene of the crime: What are the vibes

it’s not good that some monkeys smoke cigarettes. but it is cool

I keep getting instagram notifications that tell me “somebody posted a Thread you might like.” lol no they didn’t

Pretty crazy someone can be charged federally with interfering in an election and those charges get dropped because they win an election.

him: will you at least act normal when my folks get here

me: *flipping a pancake and reading it like a tarot card* bad news