Responsible frog

we didnt ohrder pitsa

If you know how to flush a toilet you know how to pull a slot machine arm

What did the frog say

Screenshot of text from the catalog that the above image comes from, describing the various games pictured. It's too long to transcribe all of it, but here's the relevant part: #9 GHOST TOWN - You must explore a once thriving mining town in search of the 13 hidden treasures. With everything from rattlesnakes to runaway horses, it sure ain't going to be easy! And - they don't call them ghost teens for nothing, pardner! Includes a special bonus scoring system too! Difficulty Level: Hard

From the link above, looks like it's Ghost Town

"gormless" gotta be one of my favorite insults. you lack gorm bro!!!! go get some fucking gorm!!!!!!

[an awkward minute passes as Death struggles to pick up change from the countertop]
Death: (embarrassed) ha ha slippery coins
Drugstore Clerk: nah man it’s cuz you got them bone hands

I bet young rooster poets say "cock-a-doodle-doo" a lot in their writings but older, more experienced rooster poets consider it cliche

The dinosaurs that survived the mass extinction event evolved into birds on purpose because they thought it would be funny. And boy were they right

(Feeding a slice of bread into the toaster) Eat up little one (Grabbing the bread after it pops back up) Ungrateful beast, no dessert for you

CHARLIE BROWN: Yes mistress, you're right, mistress, I'm a blockhead! a hopeless blockhead!

DOMINATRIX: wah wah wah wah wah wah wah wah wah

I’ll never forget watching The Wicker Man with my outer Hebridean mum. “I just don’t know where there got all that wicker from”

Her: You swore you were done conquering!

Me: I am!

She angrily pulls the sheet off the table to reveal it’s a map.

recording myself grilling burgers so i can watch tape before the next big cookout

(second date)
me: [eager to show off new tattoo] remember how you said you liked garlic bread

apples, painted by deborah griscom passmore

apples, painted by deborah griscom passmore

once, I had been reading Jezebel scary stories, which is like 20% guys secretly living in the walls, plus I was up late to watch one more episode of Midnight Mass, and a hanger BROKE in my coat closet, slumping a heavy coat to the floor and opening the door and it was awesome for that to happen

me: *introducing date to my parents* it’s some kind of desert raisin

i have a false tooth filled with a placebo in case i'm ever captured and need to be a control subject

sitting at a stoplight and an old van full of college kids pulled up and a guy leaned out and yelled "IS YOUR CAR GRAY????!" and I said "...Yes" because the official Honda name of the color is "Sonic Gray" and the whole van started SCREAMING and going "Ohhhhhhhhhh!!!" and then the light turned green

lmao god damn it

I yearn to live in a system of colorful plastic tubes like a hamster

Wooden ax

The Artemis II mission concluded with a successful splashdown and all astronauts recovered... as well as an emaciated rescued Gayle King. "What came back with Katy Perry wasn't me," she rasped. "You have to kill it, for all of Earth. Kill everyone it's touched."

Monsters from the original Dungeons and Dragons Book 2 - Monsters and Treasures, and what they get at the gas station.

Watching @tomwalker.bsky.social's Koko stream. Can't breathe. "pink pink stink nice drink"

mistuh mario

pretty sure this one is my favourite tweet of all time

A rasta flag on a cybertruck

out in the road today
I saw a rasta flag on a cybertruck
a little voice inside my head said
don't look back, you can never look back

the animorphs transition but it’s just me morphing from standing to sitting

Popular Old Time Ice Cream Flavors
- Butter Pecan
- Rum Raisan
- 20 Prune Skadoo
- Clementine Bread Dough
- Artichoke Chunk
- Chicory
- Boiled Potato
- Sorghum
- Fig Ripple
- Tomatoberry
- Cabbage & Cream