pretty sad to look up at the sky and go yep. theres the limit

this is good

I pee last thing before I go to sleep. I pee first thing in the morning. Who's putting all this pee in me at night?!

i work for the mbi. ha ha try to figure out what that stands for

i knew it was over when i sent her a playlist and her least favorite song was miserlou

Often, as I’m doing my bedtime routine and thinking idly about the day’s stupid news, my eyes fall on the words on the bathroom sink. American Standard indeed

one of the consequences of deleting tiktok is never knowing if mousepay ever really took off

born to lock in forced to lock in

trying to figure out if it makes sense that a churning discord is filled with america-loving libertarians… the answer is probably yes

great, a comic that makes no sense

(knocking on the bathroom door) uhh hey dude your baby's yelling

COMPREI UM KINDLE

i don’t “fuck with” music

feel like this is a case where the de facto definition of the word should now just be the colloquial usage

Ordered a dead whopper at the macabre Burger King

i think that somebody spilled q-tips. hope that helps

just had my first bad experience and im hooked

[buying a pumpkin] One scary watermelon, please

this email could have been a meeting.

got tickets to see hawk tuah in concert

too many hawks… and not enough tuahs. bleak world

getting 2fa notifications for somebody trying to log into my jetblue account.. taking travel hacking to a new level

10 rounds down to zero. perfect, ty

is kimchi zero calorie like pickle ? if so… i may need to go to hmart

I filled up on bread and couldn’t even taste my entree and my server got so angry he told me to kill myself

the bluesky algorithm is so rudimentary right now i can actively see it working. i like one post that happens to mention “coffee” and now it thinks i’m part of the coffee megaverse. me posting this wont help at all

can somebody send me rachel menken thanks in advance

How many of ur brave enough to RT