When you realize this is just how corporate America operates, setting the lie and then spreading it as gospel, everything starts making a lot more sense

Sara Gonzales? Of the Mayflower Gonzales'?

Donated specifically to put them above UCF

Well we don't believe in Climate Change so this is just plain ol' fashioned Angry God

If I were trying to dismantle the United States as a superpower, it'd look a lot like this

"I'm no longer seeing returns on pumping MAGA so I'm pivoting to contrition"

Again, if this were someone close to you, you'd have called for an intervention years ago

Honestly, ask, some people do odd shit just to see if anyone will say anything

Hit the gas

Hey maybe we don't kill children and innocents while also getting soldiers killed, just as a change of pace

Joe Kernen wraps up the interview with Trump after 40 minutes: "We could talk NATO, but I know you've, uh, obviously got a lot to do"

Yes

Welp, better nationalize Amazon, USPS would enjoy those neat vans

Alrighty so more war crimes

The thing about Alan Dershowitz is he should be in fucking prison

Yes, every Senator that voted to confirm any of these nominations should be removed from office

All of them

it’s a great day for transphobes to eat shit

the edsbs charity bowl has now raised more money than the entire amount the sugar bowl foundation gave to charity last year ($435,600 on $74 million in net assets)

GATDAM

a woman wearing a purple dress and a necklace is smiling in front of a purple background . Alt: a woman wearing a purple dress and a necklace is smiling in front of a purple background pointing at herself with her thumbs

Who got 2 thumbs and a brand new Spacehog T-shirt

FUCK IT, WE'LL DO IT DEAD

We can do it

Start hitting people in glasses

*going back in time 15 years to warn myself about the future*

“The president is an open pedophile. Over a million Americans died from a plague. Pasta sauce is recording people’s conversations!”

“Haha ok sure where did you hear that, InfoWars?”

“INFOWARS IS GOOD NOW!”

https://www.theonion.info/

The media's job is to sell ads, not journalism

If you're not familiar with this: Every year, a college football podcast hosted by some of my friends runs a fundraiser for New American Pathways, a refugee resettlement org in Atlanta. The last two years, they've raised more than $1 million. This year, they wanna do $2 million. Starting today.

Anyway there's a reason he wasn't made head of the DEA

His name is on everything, every building, every car, every boat, every helicopter