disappearing has always been my greatest talent.

but this time i want to stay.

I know I am fast approaching burnout because I just sobbed over getting a good grade back on a paper I was sure I was going to fail 🙃 only 10.5 more weeks til I get a break.

Bought a notebook to track the food stuff. Steadily adding to my list of smells/tastes like chemicals or trash. Protein shakes start tomorrow because I am tired and I don’t know what else to do.

🫠🫠🫠 I am not looking forward to this journey and I hate that it affects so many people but I appreciate everyone chiming in to tell me it gets better.

I think I am extra frustrated because I was so careful to not get sick for almost 5 years (I turned into a hermit) knowing my immune system was trash already. Finally went out to visit friends for Christmas and came home to get sick from T who caught it at a restaurant while I was gone. 🤪

I keep bringing things to T & saying, “does this smell bad or is it me?” He’s on the bandwagon with onions but that seems to be all that has affected him. I lost my taste/smell first & for longer than he did, though.

🙃 I’m so sorry that you have been on this adventure but I appreciate you so much

As the human who cooks for the household, this might mess things up a lot. Guess T is gonna learn to meal prep on the weekends so I don’t have to suffer any more than necessary.

Also really glad I do my classes from home because I don’t know how I could navigate all the food smells on campus.

Mini long-covid update: raw beef smelled like burning plastic. Cheese is also suspicious. I need to keep a food journal bc this is such a wild progression from a few weeks ago when I thought I was almost back to normal.

Also shoutout @knitlib.bsky.social for making me feel less alone 🖤

😭 I knew you had long covid but for some reason I didn’t realize it had gone on for so long!

I feel like every few days something new tastes/smells awful now. I had covid in January for the first time and I thought my taste was coming back slowly. It took a turn and it’s just looking bleak.

In long-covid updates: increasingly more foods smell and taste awful. I can’t stand my favorites: garlic and onion. HOW IS IT GETTING WORSE? 🫠

Universe is really testing my ability to survive on protein shakes, I guess.

I could hear a song a million times and it will still never compare to the first time I hear it with headphones on and pick up all the little details 🥰

Memorial for George Floyd at the Say Their Names cemetery

George Floyd was murdered by police five years ago today.

The Say Their Names cemetery in Minneapolis features memorials for Floyd, Breonna Taylor, Amadou Diallo, Oscar Grant, Korryn Gaines, Freddie Gray and far too many more Black people who died at the hands of police.

T would like a heads-up display w/ a scale of how close you are to death in any given moment. Not a timer, just a % scale.

I'd like an objective pain scale, not only to compare my pain to others (like when ill), but to know just *how* used to it I am now. I think this says a lot about who we are.

Why do smoke alarms always get low batteries at 2am?

Some days it really is as easy as looking in the mirror and deciding that you like what you see.

I mean most days it’s much harder than that, but today it was easy.

Edit: will update later this week when I buy new shears and do it

My toxic trait is that I watch a few YouTube videos and decide I can totally cut my hair 🙃 will update tomorrow when I do it

Twice.

Keeping count of how many times Python makes me cry this week. We are at one so far.

I am so tired. 😵‍💫

Feels like it’s time for disappearing again ✌🏽

Flight in 33 days. Train in 61. Train again in 91. And 3 birthdays and 2 concerts in between all that?

Not letting 2025 bring me down just yet.

I can’t pinpoint exactly when the change happened but somewhere in the past decade, a ‘good day’ became a day with less pain rather than a day without pain. It feels like a lot of things in life happen, gradually and then all at once.

You don't realize how terrible someone treated you until you're explaining it to someone else later.

To keep your hope: Find your people. Keep them close. Remind them that you love them. Still choose to feel like the luckiest person when they show that they will stick up for you no matter what. Then just keep trying to be the same things for them.

a woman with a fringe is sitting in a chair looking at the camera ALT: a woman with a fringe is sitting in a chair looking at the camera

Having to pick &choose which of the horrors I give my energy to this weekend: downfall of democracy, friend who is ghosting me, black pit of despair, or school. & I’m stuck choosing school even though I’d rather be crying about literally anything else. It’s the only one that will maybe get me paid…

For lent I’m giving up

It will never stop making me smile when all of MSG boos Tony D’Angelo for being a garbage human #NYRangers

I can’t remember my dreams when I wake up these last few weeks and I didn’t realize how disconnected that would make me feel from myself.

Men? Men are weak.

Back on my never ending loop of LOTR extended versions & drowning myself in school work 🙃