called one (1) surgeon and now i wanna jump off a building this sucks so bad dude

she is now stopping through the party like her name was el niño

my roommate is blasting her giant kitchen sink playlist which is currently on Scotty Doesn’t Know from the Eurotrip soundtrack.

My main goal rn is to appear on all my friends’ Tomodachi Life islands. I wanna be part of your extended family. I love you.

this is how i found out about the new name lfggg

it’s not just dating apps, i have cis moms at my job see that they’re talking to a Person of Gender and switch to the most corpo inoffensive language they can muster

me after i get transferred to a robot body and get shown love and affection

Well, i'll just say it. I'm in need of some money to get out of a living situation I've unexpectedly found myself back in, and thanks to gas and bills, my bank account tends to hover around $-6. I would very much appreciate the business, if only to keep my beat making skills up.

Comic of the beetle from the cover of Massive Attack's "Mezzanine" meeting the crab from the cover of The Prodigy's "Fat of the Land".

Hi this joke is for me

why does the male unicorn hunter always have a beard? like damn i might be down if your husband didn’t look like a skeeman on the pequod.

pthong song

ahaha nooo you misheard - i said “i’m gonna fuckin HEAL myself” put the phone down

nobody’s ever seen my dick and i think that’s neat.

t4t is so silly. my dms are full of guys who want me carnally and i’m like.
“noo, sorry, i’m only into ~being known~”

getting into emeto so i can vom on command if someone invites me to their improv troupe.

The First WORLD FENCING LEAGUE is happening April 25th!!! I'M GEEKING!!!

Japanese engineers developed this "Sword Tip Visualisation" tracking technology specifically for this event that will make it so much easier for the average person to see what's going on!

I MUST WATCH THIS ENTIRE TOURNAMENT

idk dogg i struggle with this like every day i don’t think a right answer exists

“hey im going over your intake notes and it say you frequently ‘wrestle with jimmy’ is that something you want to work on in our sessions?”

the idea of an Apple iPhone 16 Plus on the moon is so upsetting to me actually.

like… i don’t want to go to space anymore, they still have Angry Birds up there.

it’s like when james camron found that a heinie in the hadal zone.

i would do each of those things independently

when was the last time you saw someone do the weed gesture? the one where you pinch a tiny roach and tap your lips?

i feel like a lot of goofy weed culture lore disappeared once it became stuff you could get from the store.

i really just do not care what happens in los angeles, including cochllea

you all should invite me to your weddings

this is the easiest fmk of all time, i expect everyone to get a hundred.

me hanging out with the real dolls.

new life goal actually

she’s explaining sonic adventure 1 and i’m so in love

L
E
G

WOMEN ARE SO IMPORTANT