panel 1: “I would like to be more helpful.” panel 2: “And hopeful.” panel 3: “Those are nice goals, Bort. Who else wants to share? panel 4: “I want him to be funnier.” “No, what are YOUR goals, Anthony?” “Oh—I want to surround myself with funnier people.” “Good.”

group

panel 1: “I probably have it easier than most people.” panel 2: “So why is it such a struggle to do anything?” panel 3: “Maybe someone can use my organs.” panel 4: Today’s lucky numbers are 2 and 6.

to be alive

panel 1: “Hey everybody” panel 2: “Let’s think about things we like.” panel 3: [uncomfortably close smile] panel 4: “What are you thinking of? Tell me please.”

fostering some positivity

a man looks to his right and to his left, then reveals his secret: “I’ve been meaning to read more.”

deep dark secret

panel 1: “For today’s assignment, I want you all to draw what you think your 30’s will be like,” a teacher says. “Huh,” the kid says. panel 2: “Think about what will change about you and the world,” the teacher says. The kid begins scribbling. panel 3: SOME 30 YEARS LATER… “My old drawings!” panel 4: “Eerily accurate,” he says looking at the drawing. It is a picture of himself, bald, with multi-function arm canon, saying “everything is bad except for video games.”

the future (IMAGINE!)

panel 1: “SHHH” panel 2: “SHHHH” panel 3: “SHHHH” “Dude, what is your—“ panel 4: “—ark. Library shark.” “What—“ the man begins, but he is eaten by the library shark.

librarian problems

(reminder the patreon always has bonus panels!)

panel 1: “You aren’t reading any other comics, are you, dear reader?” panel 2: “”You should come to ME for ALL your comic needs.” panel 3: “Even the erotic ones.” panel 4: “Would Hägar do this for you?” he asks while removing his shirt. “No, he is horrible.”

exclusive

panel 1: “If you want to meet new people, you have to make yourself approachable.” panel 2: his sweater says ‘EAT SHIT’ panel 3: he removes the sweater panel 4: his undershirt reads “Ask me about eating shit!”

approachable

panel 1: “WHAT DO I DO?” a man shouts. panel 2: he listens panel 3: “You could make a big sandwich,” someone off-panel says. panel 4: “…and that’s the story of how our religion got started, Kyle,” a father eating a sandwich says to his son eating a sandwich on the floor. “Kay,” Kyle says.

listen

panel 1: “I found a way to eat pizza and not enjoy it.” panel 2: “I started the viral ‘eat an onion like it’s an apple’ trend on tik tok.” “…soon to be viral.” panel 3: “I thought Sour Patch Kids should be kid-sized. And made with real children. What” panel 4: “It’s a soup…sandwich.”

food innovators

panel 1: “I should have bought that potion that prevents regret.” panel 2: “Why did I skip all those ads? I’m…such an uninformed consumer.” panel 3: “I shouldn’t have flossed so much.” panel 4: “I never adopted a highway.”

miscellaneous regrets at the end of the world

false premise comics panel 1: “Are you a cop?” a man asks a child at a lemonade stand. “No,” he says. panel 2: “Cuz you gotta tell me if you are,” the guy says. “I’m not,” the child responds. panel 3:”Alright fine, I’ll take a lemonade,” the guy says. panel 4: a policeman is putting the guy in handcuffs and arresting him. “Why is lemonade illegal? It doesn’t make any sense!!” the guy shouts. “Life’s about to hand you a whole lotta lemons, you sick fuck,” the cop says.

false premise

panel 1: “What have we learned today?” the elder asks the children. panel 2: together, the children respond “No destabilizing foreign governments for personal financial gaaainnnn.” panel 3: “And?” panel 4: “This family adheres to the Geneva Conventions—“ the boy begins to recite, but the girl interrupts saying “MOM DOESN’T.” off panel, the mom shouts “I am defending democracy, young lady.”

who raised you?

panel 1: “You know what happens when you make an assumption, right?” panel 2: “That’s right, you make an ass…um…point.” panel 3: sniff panel 4: “I think you mean to say ‘When you assume—‘“ “Don’t make me point.”

out of u and me

panel 1: “Knowing the exact date and time that his life would end” panel 2: “did make it difficult for Søren to enjoy the shallow reality dating show on TV” from the tv: “A mud wrestling competition? Haha that is so random!” panel 3: “but at the same time” from the tv: “Ahh! I’m so muddy!” panel 4: “It made it the most captivating thing he had ever seen.”

timing

panel 1: “Welcome. The doctor, me, will see you, the fucked up patient, right now.” panel 2: “Oh my God you are so fucked up. Just look at you.” panel 3: “Alright, see you next week.” panel 4: “Your therapist didn’t say any of that, Casey,” Casey’s dad says. “She said ‘See you next week,’” Casey says.

therapy

panel 1: “How can we even continue, Snowball?” a man asks his sleeping dog. “Do we…want to continue?” panel 2: The dog opens one eye. panel 3: “Alright, I mean it looks like we have autoplay on right now, but eventually it’s going to ask us if we’re still watching, and—“ the man begins to say. “What then, Snowball? What then”

continue?

panel 1: a man stands panel 2: the man’s phone buzzes panel 3: “Notification: You are alone” the phone reads. panel 4: “Turn off notifications,” the man says.

notification

panel 1: “AI bot: Simulate genuine human connection. panel 2: “Haha you are so funny and cute,” AI bot says. panel 3: The man considers what AI bot said. panel 4: The man peers thoughtfully out the window, genuinely moved by what AI bot said.

human connection

panel 1: “I am ready for an entertaining viewing experience.” panel 2: he sits on the couch, staring panel 3: He is looking at a sign on the wall that says “Put TV here”. panel 4: “That sign was the best investment I ever made.”

entertainment

panels 1-4: [screaming]

self-expression

panel 1: Jon grew tired of the voice that was narrating his daily existence. panel 2: “I mean offer me some insight or something at least.” panel 3: …Jon demanded stupidly, whilst shitting himself. “What? What the hell kind of narrator even—“ panel 4: Omniscient.

extraneous narration

panel 1: “Gotta have my hops! Remember? Like that 90’s cereal commercial, but for beer. Remember?” panel 2: He lifts his shirt to reveal a ‘Gotta have my HOPS’ tattoo. “Remember??” panel 3: He fades away into nothing.

remember

panel 1: “Oh shit. Sheeeeit. Shit. Shit. SHIIIT.” panel 2: “Fuck. Fahhhhk!” panel 3: “MAAAAHHHTHERRFAAHH—“ panel 4: The man was reading ‘Swearing: a Phonetic Guide to Pronunciation’

book ban

panel 1: “‘To whom it may concern…’” panel 2: “That’s you.” panel 3: “‘Please stop sending your homemade books to the public library. We have no use for your crudely drawn clown erotica or lyric poetry.’” panel 4: “Okay wait this one might be for me…I definitely opened SOMEthing that was yours though, hold on…”

sorry, I opened your mail

panel 1: “Can I get a 7 and 7?” guy asks. “No 7Up, is Sprite okay?” bartender says. panel 2: “Oh wait—what’s the one that’s like all the liquors mixed together with like—a spritz of lemon?” panel 3: “A…Long Island Iced Tea?” bartender asks. “That’s the one. But give it a name that sounds cool. Like uh…” panel 4: “a ‘Grito de Ayuda’ for the Hombre Solo,” bartender suggests. “Ooh—that sounds cool!” the guy says. (drink name means “a cry for help” for the alone man”)

need a drink

panel 1: “Keep trying.” panel 2: “You’re getting better, even if you can’t see it yet.” panel 3: “You talkin’ to yourself, bro?” panel 4: “What? God no—who speaks to themSELVES like that?”

self-talk

panel 1: guy playing a video game panel 2: “Eh?” the guy says as an achievement pops up: ‘Reach Age 30 with no friends’. panel 3: Another achievement: ‘Don’t bathe for 5 days in a row’. panel 4: Another: ‘Your pet is embarrassed by you’. “Turn off life achievements.”

life achievements

panel 1: “Ugh what’s even the point of eating?” a man asks as he prepares to eat some Unprocessed Wheat cereal. panel 2: “Radical breakfast mascot comin thru!” a skateboarding green thing shouts, knocking over the cereal box. panel 3: “Need a reason to keep eating?” it asks, grabbing something off-panel. “No,” the man says. panel 4: “FLAX,” the mascot says, holding a box of ‘Bran Flakes with Flax Seeds’. The man is astounded.

A Reason to Eat