The scintillating joys of adulthood! 😁 Rocks on sticks! (It wouldn't be as funny if it wasn't so flipping useful.)

FAUN NPC: I’m taking a census. Are you BARD?
BARD: That’s me!
FAUN: Can I have your pronouns?
BARD: They/Them
FAUN: THEY’RE MINE NOW *vanishes*

GM: You all slowly realize that you cannot think of BARD as anything but BARD’S proper name.
BARD: BARD does not appreciate this!
ASSASSIN: Let’s kill him

My husband is cleaning our toilets with a rock on a stick. Apparently that's the hot new scrubbing technology. Pumice; who knew?

A man with a very impressive beard and mustache has been memed! And it says: I CAME HERE TO GROW A BEARD AND WRITE NOVELLAS AND WHOA DANG DID I DO BOTH

You may have a hankering for
•a hunk of cheese
•a bite-sized story to enjoy with it

I have good news:
1/

(LOL, why is this tagged as graphic media? Did the automatic scanner thing not realize he's alive on the ground?)

I bet!

Man, I can still hear that sound clip in my head!

Nobody says "the mutogenic formula" like him!

Everybody’s Tim Curry posting today for his birthday and i gotta put my vote in for Dr Anton Sevarius from Gargoyles as “best guest star evil scientist chewing on the scenery” in an animated series.

A placard that says doo doo, caca, poo poo

We have this right by our door to remind us as we leave into the world, that it’s not that serious, people!

That's all the D&D for the day; conversation has already turned to SCA -- another appropriately nerdy acronym. Also tacos. But that's for dinner.

#DnD

In putting things away, one mini took a dive and will require glue.

DM: "The lightning elemental forgot how to fly."

Me: "That's just as ironic as when Gu'Yassa snapped off at the ankles. He's the one who just punches the ground and moves on with his life! He shouldn't take fall damage!"

#DnD

DM: "I really expected him to die. I can't believe he was that close!"

Detective: "The gods don't want us to lose our friendly swamp monster."

DM: "The dice have spoken."

#DnD

Emo Swamp Monster: *staring into space during dinner* "I almost died."

Mage: "I almost did that once. It was terrible; I don't recommend it."

ESM: "How did you survive?"

Mage: "I don't quite remember; I was dead at the time."

Detective: "A death-defying catch and healing potions. Ahem."

#DnD

Getting to paint a robot's face is a delightful new experience.

Painter: "You hold so still! It's great!"

Robot: "Yup! I don't breathe, and I don't even have to move my mouth to talk! Nobody's shutting me up."

#DnD

As the one who dealt the final blow, the Robot gets the honors of Halfling Hero Paint patterns on her face -- intricate artwork in metallic jewel tones, which the halfling painters are delighted to bestow.

Robot: "This is so much better than the fidget toys."

#DnD

We are given a hero's welcome, with a parade and a feast (and fidget toys for the robot). The seats at the table are all at different heights so the people of various sizes can eat/fidget at the same height. Very considerate.

#DnD

"Think they'll want to see his body paraded around?"

"Ooh, puppet style!"

"We can be classy. Just a head on a pike."

#DnD

We land and meet up with the boss, who was already here.

Boss: "Kataryna! Good to see your -- er -- face. I say, you've got something of a ... sparkle in your eye, eh what?"

Mage, with new lightning eyes: "You don't say."

#DnD

We're flying over halfling lands: gorgeous scenery full of domesticated dinosaurs.

Detective, to JerkBird: "You know, some people say birds and thunder lizards are the same family."

JerkBird: *looks at him*

Detective: "Though THEY have teeth."

JerkBird: *pecks him in the ear*

#DnD
Boss: "How's that magic bird of yours?"

Detective: "Currently irked at a devil of his acquaintance who cheats at cards."

Boss: "Has he tried betting with silver?"

Detective, to JerkBird: "You didn't think of that, did you, birdbrain?"

JerkBird: "I will bite you with the teeth I don't have."

#DnD

JerkBird is no longer a flamingo, by the way. (Yay!) Though he didn't get teeth from the wild magic either. (Boo!)

#DnD

Oh hey, the Crystalphone works now. Time to give the boss another you-should-be-sitting-down-for-this update!

#DnD

We're leaving the place in good hands. Now to pass through the barrier one more time!

Wild magic dice roll.

Nobody gets glowing bones ... but the mage gets lightning eyes. Which is just perfectly in character.

Also she gets to do the joy buzzer thing, which the robot is a big fan of.

#DnD

Spike the Robot: "So you're telling me this is a place with no fleshies, all the Warforged are free, and the magic is weird & exciting?"

Robot: "Yep! Also there are lots of old houses that nobody will stop you from looting."

Mage: "Except mine."

Robot: "Ah, we already got the piano."

#DnD

As we're leaving, we get flagged down by a Warforged who has no memory of the past 5 years, and needs a biiiiiiit of a refresher on what he's missed.

If we explain it well enough to him, hopefully he can explain it to all the others.

He's pretty cheerful about the new reality.

#DnD

"So we've been here for just over an hour, including getting all the treasure on the ship."

"The actual fight only took like a minute."

"We flew up, dropped an orc through the ceiling, then stabbed the baddie in the back. Basically."

"All in the space of one quick Marvel action scene."

#DnD

Oh hey, a magic thing that would have given the baddie a constant source of regeneration. If he'd gotten the chance to install it.

If not for those meddling adventurers.

#DnD

While the Mage has been failing to make a magical phone call out of the wild magic zone, the Detective has found the door to the treasure room -- I mean warehouse of supplies. But yeah, treasure.

#DnD

So, naturally, there are still sub-baddies out in the world to deal with.

Mage, to Crystalphone: "Lyrrol, are you there?"

Creepy Voice: "Hello, who's this?"

Mage: "An upset person."

Voice: "Oh good! Why?"

Mage: "I just ended something more powerful than you." *hangs up*

Voice: "Aw."