That’s not really water is it? No, it’s blue Powerade with enough vodka in it to make it clear.

The Onion’s Exclusive Interview With Pete Hegseth theonion.com/the-onions-exclusive-int...

The Onion: What would you say to people who call you Gestapo? Bovino: I’d ask why they aren’t speaking English.

The Onion’s Exclusive Interview With Gregory Bovino theonion.com/the-onions-exclusive-int...

Put about 50 of these up today around LA

(design by USAGIBoots on Instagram)

Calling peoples' employers in a rage because their tributes to Robert Redford weren't horny enough

First they came for the Palestinian protestor and I said “hey you Nazi fucks, you’re being Nazis, everyone else we need to shut these motherfuckers down RIGHT now” because I actually paid attention to the poem

tromp fulfilling his promise to lower our taxes by dropping the entire country into lower and lower tax brackets by the minute

Casey Anthony is making videos to tell her side of the story on IG and now I’m just waiting for Trump to appoint her head of some department - probably child care services - because that’s where we are at in America. Bad people feel too safe here.

Help.

World Wonders What Trump Has On United States That’s Forcing Nation To Keep Him In Power

World Wonders What Trump Has On United States That’s Forcing Nation To Keep Him In Power
theonion.com/world-w...

We need to talk about those controversial new Jane Austen book covers Is no author safe from the BookTok craze?

Oh I hate this. I like booktok but this is just awful.

Sometimes I'll just make thumbnail graphics for YouTube videos that don't exist.

Trump Announces U.S. Will Relocate Panama Canal To American Soil

Trump Announces U.S. Will Relocate Panama Canal To American Soil
theonion.com/trump-a...

* Trump does something fucked up *

💙Hashtag Resistance influencers💙: "Imagine how everyone would have react if Biden did that?"

I'M GOING TO HIT YOU WITH MY CAR AND DRIVE BOTH OF US OFF A BRIDGE.

ICE Agent Decides He Wants Kids After Seeing Incredible Love And Devotion Of Parents Begging Him Not To Take Their Child

ICE Agent Decides He Wants Kids After Seeing Incredible Love And Devotion Of Parents Begging Him Not To Take Their Child
theonion.com/ice-age...

It's no time knife 😆

Bored Trump Spends Afternoon Stabbing Secret Service Agent

Bored Trump Spends Afternoon Stabbing Secret Service Agent

I think what upsets me the most is that a few racist politicians spent decades dangling the shiny keys of overturning Roe in front of American Evangelicals, hoping that sleeping giant of a voter bloc would give them the power to reverse our civil rights progress…and it worked.

That was awesome! More please 😅

Let's be honest, didn't we all need to hear this during #Nosferatu?

Conservatives Claim Hitler’s Nazi Allegiance Greatly Exaggerated

Conservatives Claim Hitler’s Nazi Allegiance Greatly Exaggerated
theonion.com/conserv...

i’m so tired but i’ve got obligations 😩

Just finished listening. Amazing as always sir! 🤌🏻

a man in a suit says run in front of two other men ALT: a man in a suit says run in front of two other men

Guess I better start posting stuff since people are starting to follow me... So uhhh...