I don't really feel like washing my face tonight, so I'm going to pretend to fall asleep on the couch. The body protects you from acne when it thinks you didn't do it on purpose. 😇

Another one of Trumps cabinet bites the dust. Labor Secretary Lori Chavez-DeRemer resigns after a series of alleged abuses of her position's power, including having an affair with a subordinate and drinking alcohol on the job

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Seriously, we just wanna go pee. Leave us the fuck alone.

Yeah...I think that pretty much sums it up.

That one is worth a "Follow." 😅

Poo, go poo.

Sure. Between the four of them they can make a 4-some at the golf course. 😊

That one wins you a "Follow." 😊

I was today years old when I learned elephants do not drink directly through their trunks. they use their trunks to suck up water and then pour it into their mouths and now I question my brain's usefulness.

Get you someone who looks at you the way this cheetah is looking at this antelope and OH SHIT 🫣, never mind!

I asked AI to generate a list of Publicly Disclosed allegations of sexual misconduct by members of the US Senate and House of Representatives over the course of the last 25 years. The results were shocking (9 Democrats and 8 Republicans), and I just can't see the Epstein files ever being released.

I feel like no matter how I die, my last words will still be "My boobs are too small."

Trump is seriously unwell and becoming more and more unhinged by the day. It's only a matter of time before he tries something so deeply insane and dangerous or he get 25th out of office.

Do beavers even know what they're doing or do they just see water flowing down a river and think "absolutely not!" 🦫

Americans lose over $25 billion to $39.5 billion in recent years. More than 56 million Americans are impacted annually, often by imposter scams, with victims losing a median of $1,500 per person. The FTC's claim of $178 million in civil penalties and $112 million in restitution is mere chump change.

I wouldn't mind serving on a jury, but here in my deeply Republican state, the laws are such that I can't go into the court house's lady's room to pee because I'm transgender. 🙄

I got a jury summons years ago under my male dead name. I gave them my summons card, and the poor clerk was so confused. They excused me from jury duty and haven't sent me another summons to this day. 🤣

I got a jury summons years ago under my male dead name. I gave them my summons card, and the poor clerk was so confused. They excused me from jury duty and haven't sent me another summons to this day. 🤣

She's not wrong. Every word she spoke here is true.

Every few months I rediscover that drinking plenty of water, eating healthy foods and walking feels great. But then becomes the "Great Forgetting." 🤣

Therapist: You have to love yourself.
Me: I'm not really my type.
Therapist: Not toxic enough?
Me: Alright...Ima gonna let you have that one.

I bring the razzle dazzle to people's lives whether they want it or not. 🤪

I worry a lot about Facebook's algorithm, but it just asked me to tag my own breasts as friends so I think we're good for a few more years.

BREAKING: Former comedian Joe Rogan appointed to a new position...

Saw a huge spider the size of a walnut while I was taking a shower so I pulled off the curtain rod & pole vaulted myself into the hallway.

That's not how you play "two truths and a lie", Donold.

Their hoods have come off.

I can’t wait for the discovery phase. 🤣

Me (finishing a home repair): Well, it looks like it should work…
Also Me: Should I throw this handful of screws away?

So, I guess oil is going to go up to $248.00/barrel?