In the Taco Bell drive-thru asking for the hot sauce packets with the sassiest sayings on them

You’re the only meat for my taco, baby 🌮

I'm going to apply for a patent for my hard taco shell that replaces the foldy bit with jalapeño flavoured Fruit-By-The-Foot™

Tubesteak Taco Tuesday

Used a coupon for a free taco at taco bell and dude gave me a handful of free taco coupons.
So...this is what it feels like to be rich.

No amount of probiotic will protect you from that leftover taco meat.

Oh yeah, I thought some shit was wrong once. It kept being wrong. Got worse, in fact. Pretty horrible now. Are you going to eat that last taco?

Just remember kids, your dad's alcoholism brought you Taco Tuesday even when he was sick.

It’s taco Tuesday, or as I like to call it, Kraft Dinner with a hot dog cut up in it, again.

There was a guy at the $3 taco place last night who had a beard that looked like it had slain at least 12 mastodons

going out to lunch with my pals on taco tuesday and saying things like "have olive you heard about this? it's the taco the town" but no one engages and only continue to stare at a point farther and farther away until it reaches the end of the known universe

I'm 5 tacos deep tonight

big butts and little spoons make the world go round

so it’s a coffee table book of dentists who look like vampires

Reality tv couples

Bachelorette: you are hot, and sweet but…

Dude with flies all around him: but what?

Bachelorette: it’s the flies, I’m so sorry

Fade to commercial sad music

a man is using a fire extinguisher to put out a fire in the dirt . Alt: a man is using a fire extinguisher to put out a fire because 420 was yesterday, Bitch.

4/21

Realtors rave about natural light. I want the unnatural kind. Every room should make it look like I’m holding a flashlight under my chin

It was a Muppet murder mystery

you're eating the peel for extra fiber, i'm eating the candy wrapper bc i have given up, we are not so different you and i

Love when people I didn’t want to call in the first place don’t call me back. Like, how long can we keep this special thing going.

why don’t cartons of detergent have pictures of missing socks on them

🎶I've had the time of my life, and I owe it all to you*🎶

*although by all I actually just mean the $50 that we agreed on

There is nothing familiar about the inside of this whale but the swallowing took me back. The 90's indie rock scene, books I thought I should read, too much time with the wrong person, all in boxes outside, oh shit my ex kicked me out of this whale

Hoping they don’t close the Strait of Hormel. I need my Spam.

Someone keeps sneaking up and smearing grease all over my glasses. I wish I knew who it was

The steel guitar bridge in a Hank Williams song gives you time to think about what you’ve gone and done

At an unlikely place, in an unlikely way, something handcuffs you to a likely future. With one hand free, you still don’t run. A likely escape turns unlikely with every passing minute.

I wore your excuses
like a second skin
itching,
burning,
impossible to shed
until I tore myself
out of you.

I love sleep and sleep loves me but we're in an off and on again relationship every day and night.

Straight up.