Have you ever been driving on the motorway/ freeway really fast and hit a bit of speed bump, whilst getting or giving road head?

I nearly killed a girl like that once.

Bought a new jacket at a thrift store, having got it home, it REALLY smells of old people.

Now I'm convinced I'm gamboling around in a dead man's jacket.

Had sex yesterday.

10/10.

Would definitely recommend.

Guess I wear glasses now. 🤓

😂😂😂😂😂

You ever take a lewd / nude and just think woah fuck that looks goooooood?!

Ahhhhhhhh stoooooooooooooooooop ya fuckin' weirdo

If shown a dirty, dusty, icy, or any other such covered surface..

A man will draw a penis.

I don't know, I dont make the rules. Some things just are.

🔥🔥🔥🔥🔥

🤤🤤🤤🤤🤤🤤🤤

The French make the WORST tea.

I have terrible handwriting.

The combination of being a doctor, and being left handed, is just a recipe for handwriting-disaster really.

Although I should say, I did recently find a pen in my stolen-but-not-yet-used stash that seems to actively make it less hideous!

Forgot how much farts ricochet off plastic seats. And echo.

Sorry to everyone else watching their kid swim who had to hear that 🤭😂

Oh no I watched one post on Instagram about making things from wooden pallets and now the algorithm is feeding me nothing else, so its safe to say that soon my entire garden will be full of shonky wooden pallet structures 😂😂

Fucking delicious breakfast of pancakes, bacon, sausage, egg, has browns and maple syrup. No wonder Wolf is such a fat fuck lol

I went to the gym this morning, so this is fine, right?! 😂🐷🐷

Who are these fucking morons that take speed limits literally?

Ian brown playlist.

Sometimes, you just gotta start the day with a solid Ian Brown playlist

DJ Format feat. Abdominal - Ugly Brothers YouTube video by Breaksnbeats

Lol I feel seen

youtu.be/juO__ngKpis?...

Love getting to the gym, and doing my white men can't jump warm up 😂

Im so horny, thats ok, my will is good

It seems that once again you have to greet me with goodbye

😂😂😂😂

I dont know how this happened. I used to be the kind of wild man who did not give a single fuck if his socks matched or not.

Now I take pride in folding a whole bunch of laundry and not having a single rogue unpaired sock left over.

Oh no! Stupid medium. If you like, I can share the original with you if you let me know how?

Haha I do linger in the cold aisles 😂

Haha well I also just wrote out my shopping list so the order of the list matches the order ill encounter the products in the supermarket. Sexy, huh? 😂

Haha if by entertaining you mean horrendously suburban, middle aged anti-erotic then sure its entertaining as fuck 😂😂😂

I dont want to unduly increase the risk of an over-the-internet-pregnancy here, but i also just sorted all the socks into matching pairs.

Oooooooh baby you prefer colour coding or alphabetical?! 😂🤭