6 panel comic 1. A nelson egg is in the doctor's office pointing at a light switch on their belly and saying, "so this switch showed up today and if it's flipped..." 2. Closeup on the nelson egg's hand flipping the switch up. 3. This panel was drawn on one of those little tablets that have a black surface and you can draw on them with anything and it just makes a multicolored line. The doctor is shocked and the nelson egg says, "...this happens." 4. The doctor is running out of the room, escaping the inky black curse of the light switch. It's hard to tell, but the nelson egg is still in the doctor's office shrugging. The doctor is screaming "fuck!" 5. The doctor stands outside the now-closed door saying, "we have to seal off this room." 6. The afflicted nelson egg says, "fuck."

Got my kid one of those little drawing tablets a while back. #webcomic

6 panel comic 1. A nelson egg is in the doctor's office pointing at a light switch on their belly and saying, "so this switch showed up today and if it's flipped..." 2. Closeup on the nelson egg's hand flipping the switch up. 3. This panel was drawn on one of those little tablets that have a black surface and you can draw on them with anything and it just makes a multicolored line. The doctor is shocked and the nelson egg says, "...this happens." 4. The doctor is running out of the room, escaping the inky black curse of the light switch. It's hard to tell, but the nelson egg is still in the doctor's office shrugging. The doctor is screaming "fuck!" 5. The doctor stands outside the now-closed door saying, "we have to seal off this room." 6. The afflicted nelson egg says, "fuck."

Got my kid one of those little drawing tablets a while back. #webcomic

6 panel comic 1. A nelson egg places a book on the table in front of another nelson egg and says, "I need to return this book. It is defective." 2. The other nelson egg picks up the book and observes it, saying, "defective how? It looks okay." 3. The first nelson egg says, "yeah, it seems fine, but it talks ever time I try to read it and it just says ridiculous shit." 4. The other nelson egg replies, "what? I'm sorry, but that's silly. Books don't talk." 5. The other nelson egg has opened the book and the book says, "my friend's cousin lives in canada and had to wait for 6 months for a doctor to do an operation and my friend said it wasn't free because they lose almost all their income to taxes." 6. The other nelson egg is throwing the book into an open dumpster. The book is saying, "everyone loves their insurance."

This book must've been shelved next to one of Bill O'Reilly's books and suffered irreparable damage. From 2020. #webcomic

6 panel comic 1. A nelson egg places a book on the table in front of another nelson egg and says, "I need to return this book. It is defective." 2. The other nelson egg picks up the book and observes it, saying, "defective how? It looks okay." 3. The first nelson egg says, "yeah, it seems fine, but it talks ever time I try to read it and it just says ridiculous shit." 4. The other nelson egg replies, "what? I'm sorry, but that's silly. Books don't talk." 5. The other nelson egg has opened the book and the book says, "my friend's cousin lives in canada and had to wait for 6 months for a doctor to do an operation and my friend said it wasn't free because they lose almost all their income to taxes." 6. The other nelson egg is throwing the book into an open dumpster. The book is saying, "everyone loves their insurance."

This book must've been shelved next to one of Bill O'Reilly's books and suffered irreparable damage. From 2020. #webcomic

An egg starts a lecture by crediting the great economists of the 20th century known as the Brothers Hanson, then starts reciting the chorus of the song Mmmbop. Two other eggs stand at a distance, seeing the egg giving the lecture to the corner of a room. One asks, "how's he doing? Is he getting any better?" The other replies, "no."

The Hanson Economic Model is based on the idea that all money that passes through the hands of a white girl aged 12-13 is evenly distributed to goods and services featuring just 3 people from a single family for a brief period of time.

A crude watercolor painting of a face with a lot of snot draining out of the nose. The snot goes on to spell out "fuck these plants"

Painting with the kid again. Did a self-portrait for the season

6 panel comic: 1. A nelson egg has their hand on a manila folder on a table and says, "are you sure this is what you want?" 2. Next to the nelson egg is a goose that says, "honk!" 3. The nelson egg picks up the folder and looks at the contents and says, "no, I know. I just wish everything had worked out better." 4. The goose jumps onto the table and spreads their wings says, "honk honk! Honk! Honk! Honk honk!" 5. The nelson egg signs something in the manila folder while saying, "yeah. You're right. It's better for both of us to finally move on." 6. A document says, "divorce agreement these two mother fuckers don't want to be married to each other so fuck it this shit is fucking over" And then there's two lines featuring the signatures "Hank" and "Honky"

I'm no lawyer but I'll write up any legal document you need. See the one featured in this comic from 2019 for an example of the quality you can expect to receive. #webcomic

Thank you

6 panel comic 1. Close up of a banana with a face and arms struggling to hold two full paper bags of groceries. The banana says, "RICHARD! COME HELP WITH THE GROCERIES!" 2. Another banana, the aforementioned Richard, does the Naruto run out of his room, shouting, "OH BOY! FUCK YEAH! FINALLY!" 3. Richard runs into the kitchen asking, "did you get it? Did you get the nelson eggs, mom? The mom is putting the grocery bags onto a countertop. 4. Both bananas stand at the counter, touching either of the bags. The mom says, "yeah, they're in here." 5. Richard holds a carton of eggs. He looks angry. He says, "what the fuck, mom? These aren't nelson eggs! These are just normal eggs!" 6. The "That's Nelson Eggs!" logo is replaced by a logo that says, "Oops, Normal Eggs!" The mom character buries her face in her hands, presumably crying (can bananas cry?) while Richard throws the eggs onto the floor, shouting, "GODDAMNIT, MOM! HARK! I CAN'T FUCK NORMAL EGGS!"

I really should do more of these with the bananas. Richard is a fun character to write.

6 panel comic: The first four panels are just a close-ups of a banana saying, "You know...I respect your privacy. I don't bother you when you're having sex on your birthdays. When you get drunk and watch Rodney Dangerfield movies all night, I don't judge you for leaving your sex toys everywhere. And I've never stolen any of your drugs. I've only thought about it." Panel 5. The banana is pointing at two other bananas who look confused and says, "I think it would be best if you two found somewhere else to live." Panel 6: The "That's Nelson Eggs!" logo has been changed to say "Nice Try, Ingrate!" One of the two other bananas says, "feel free to move out, son, but this is our house."

I meant to make a whole book about banana shenanigans where I changed the Nelson Eggs logo to something else and I only did a few and maybe I should do more.

In the first panel, a banana is staring down and says, "uhhhh." In the next panel, the banana has raised a hand covered in goop and says, "ummm." In the next panel, the banana raises the other hand to reveal it is holding a whisk also covered in goop that is running down his arm and dripping off his elbow. He says, "uhhhh." Pulling back further, we see part of a cracked egg as the banana puts his goop covered hand up to his mouth and says, "umm." In the next panel, the banana is reaching with both arms into a dead Nelson Egg. The top of the egg is cracked away, and a bat leans against the wall. The banana says, "uhhhh." The banana brings more of the egg's insides to his mouth as a Nelson Egg rushes forward to stop him. Another Nelson Egg is kneeling on the floor nearby, horrified by the scene. The banana says, "umm."

Fun times were had by some.

It's my birthday so I'm sharing the comics with bananas that I've already posted

Chat, is it okay that the Right have parted ways with consensus reality on climate change, space travel, vaccines, healthcare, women's rights, diversity, scientific research, colonial history and war crimes but we're going to keep nodding along to their thoughts about immigration and trans people?

6 panel comic: 1. A nelson egg sits on the floor surrounded by other nelson eggs and a pile of gifts. A "happy birthday" banner is taped to the wall behind them. The nelson egg has opened a gift and says, "a kaleidoscope?" 2. Closeup of the nelson egg with another open gift. They're holding a microscope carefully and saying, "this microscope is perfect." 3. They have opened a long box and are pulling out a telescope and saying, "a telescope too? You guys!" 4. They are holding a small box and pulling off the top of it and saying, "is this what I think it is?" 5. Close up of a hand holding the box. Inside the box is just two human eyeballs. 6. The nelson egg sits at a desk in their room next to a window. They are holding one eyeball up to the eyepiece of the microscope and the other eyeball up to the eyepiece of the telescope. The nelson egg says, "these eyes work great!"

2019 comic. Love when all my friends work together to get me everything I want for my birthday. #webcomic

I guess it's probably too much to ask for a TV series that's a reboot mashup of Frasier, Sex and the City, and just throw old Sheldon in there why not. You do one season where the characters are killed, then another show, NCIS, where their murders are investigated.

6 panel comic: 1. A nelson egg sits on the floor surrounded by other nelson eggs and a pile of gifts. A "happy birthday" banner is taped to the wall behind them. The nelson egg has opened a gift and says, "a kaleidoscope?" 2. Closeup of the nelson egg with another open gift. They're holding a microscope carefully and saying, "this microscope is perfect." 3. They have opened a long box and are pulling out a telescope and saying, "a telescope too? You guys!" 4. They are holding a small box and pulling off the top of it and saying, "is this what I think it is?" 5. Close up of a hand holding the box. Inside the box is just two human eyeballs. 6. The nelson egg sits at a desk in their room next to a window. They are holding one eyeball up to the eyepiece of the microscope and the other eyeball up to the eyepiece of the telescope. The nelson egg says, "these eyes work great!"

2019 comic. Love when all my friends work together to get me everything I want for my birthday. #webcomic

It worked. Had a great time. Thanks, Santa Scorsese.

A white plate featuring a cartoon of two children sleeping in a bed. One of them holds a letter addressed to Santa and Santa is there, staring at you the viewer as he tries to take the letter. The plate says "Happy Holidays" above and "1991" below the image

What does your fancy dinner plate look like for when you have the house to yourself so you've got spicy chicken nuggets and fries in the air fryer and you're finally going to watch Killers of the Flower Moon? Here's mine.

He went up there to look at it and see how big his piece of the pie was and probably felt nothing because someone else had a bigger piece

6 panel comic: 1. A cow in a herd has her face down to eat grass. A nearby cow has raised its tail to pee. 2. Closeup on the the eating cow's head as a stream of piss lands next to where she's eating, splashing all over her face and food. 3. A nelson egg on horseback shouts, "what in tarnation!" 4. The nelson egg rides the horse into the herd and says, "hey! Yer pissin' on her food! I told you to stop doing that! Hey!" 5. The horse lifts it's left front leg and points a finger (because the horse has a hand here instead of a hoof). The horse says, "no one wants your piss splashing in their face while they eat lunch! If you refuse to use the piss ditch, we will have to send you away!" 6. Closeup of a cow saying "I'm sorry."

From 2019. Always use the piss ditch. #webcomic

6 panel comic: 1. A cow in a herd has her face down to eat grass. A nearby cow has raised its tail to pee. 2. Closeup on the the eating cow's head as a stream of piss lands next to where she's eating, splashing all over her face and food. 3. A nelson egg on horseback shouts, "what in tarnation!" 4. The nelson egg rides the horse into the herd and says, "hey! Yer pissin' on her food! I told you to stop doing that! Hey!" 5. The horse lifts it's left front leg and points a finger (because the horse has a hand here instead of a hoof). The horse says, "no one wants your piss splashing in their face while they eat lunch! If you refuse to use the piss ditch, we will have to send you away!" 6. Closeup of a cow saying "I'm sorry."

From 2019. Always use the piss ditch. #webcomic

6 panel comic: 1. A hand is striking a match. 2. A nelson egg kneels on the floor of an empty room, lighting a cylindrical candle with a match. 3. The nelson egg, still kneeling, holds the candle in front of themself, saying, "who dare wake me?" 4. The nelson egg is standing now and holding the candle to the wall. The nelson egg says, "I'm contagious. Outrageous. Spontaneous." 5. The nelson egg has dragged the candle flame along the wall, setting fire. The nelson egg says, "you can't contain this." 6. The nelson egg triumphantly stands in the middle of the room, fists raised up. The wall is on fire and there's several spots of fire spreading on the floor. The nelson egg says, "I AM KAZAAM!"

Comic from 2021. Don't think I've mentioned Kazaam in a comic in a while. Feels like it got replaced by Simon Birch. #webcomic

6 panel comic: 1. A hand is striking a match. 2. A nelson egg kneels on the floor of an empty room, lighting a cylindrical candle with a match. 3. The nelson egg, still kneeling, holds the candle in front of themself, saying, "who dare wake me?" 4. The nelson egg is standing now and holding the candle to the wall. The nelson egg says, "I'm contagious. Outrageous. Spontaneous." 5. The nelson egg has dragged the candle flame along the wall, setting fire. The nelson egg says, "you can't contain this." 6. The nelson egg triumphantly stands in the middle of the room, fists raised up. The wall is on fire and there's several spots of fire spreading on the floor. The nelson egg says, "I AM KAZAAM!"

Comic from 2021. Don't think I've mentioned Kazaam in a comic in a while. Feels like it got replaced by Simon Birch. #webcomic

A thing I think about a lot is the time one of my brother's girlfriends asked me about what books I liked to read and I listed off a number of authors and titles and after a moment she said, "so, you like books with weird titles?" and that was the end of the conversation.

6 panel comic: 1. A nelson egg is tripping over their feet and yelling "fuck!" Another nelson egg stands in the background watching. 2. The nelson egg lays face down on the floor and says, "ow." The other nelson egg is walking toward them. 3. The other nelson egg leans over the nelson egg on the floor and asks, "are you okay, shithead?" 4. The nelson egg on the floor says, "yeah? No?" 5. The nelson egg on the floor says, "I don't know." The other nelson egg is shrugging and taking a huge step away. 6. The nelson egg on the floor says, "I'm just gonna stay here." The other nelson egg continues walking, waving one hand and providing a thumbs-up with the other.

Got rear-ended while working a couple of weeks ago. Don't recommend it. #webcomic

You don’t need to pirate it either.

Do something else with your limited time on earth

Like, there's so many books movies and shows and you have an unknowable limited amount of life read something else

Hoping the Harry Potter show fails terribly and there's just one bad season almost no one watched and then everyone else can finally move on to all the other books and movies and shows that don't benefit horrible people like jk rowling

Sora being thrown into the bottomless pit of Samaltman please can I have several billion dollars I just need it please my bottomless pit is hungry

I don't know if they still make Hoarders-type shows, but the only one we need is for billionaires and we can just go ahead and delete all the other ones those people don't need their homes out there