Petty Boo (just doin’ the do). You can have that one for free.

Teach you stuff (although he’s looking rough) #totp

Now we’re talking. Go get ‘em, Jarvis! #totp

Think I’ve mentioned this before, but all of Hanson are alive, happily married and have about 23 kids between them. Not a bad effort for child stars. #totp

Grim. I shall keep on at you until there is HARD evidence of shrubs and perennials. Think of the bloody bees, man!

You’re hardly the first, dear boy.

Ocean Colour Scene were dreadfully bland, and only Chris Evans’ patronage kept them in the limelight. #totp

Here to help and guide, Darren.

Me too Joanne! He deserves it

Ha ha! Lovely stuff!

Almost.

The fact that “Torn” exists is a crime. #totp

PLAY RONI SIZE! #totp

Ha! Perhaps give it a go after you’ve watched Sex and the City II

“I once took my love to town. Ended up with an arse like a windsock.” #totp

What’s ahead of it?

Fair enough. But you should. It’s good. Hope that helps.

How does this add anything to the world? #totp

Celine Dion. I don’t luuurrrrve this… #totp

This sounds like the intro to an Amiga game of James Bond #totp

Pudge Barlow discovering that a roll-neck hides a multiple of sins (and chins) #totp

Crikey O’Reilly!!

I demand an update! Has a spade been wielded in anger?

Fuck me. Eat some fibre, you dirty devil.

“Couldn’t be arsed - football on the telly.” They’ll understand.

Who is it at TNT Sports who thinks it’s a good idea to have Rio Ferdinand in the commentary box alongside McCoist? Anyone watching can tell the entire coverage improves when Ferdinand clears off pitch side - his endless witterings during the game are so distracting.

Weekend’s hard work and £100 at the garden centre would transform it. Do a Dimmock!

Going to have to fight as hard as Worcs did against us. Get out of this with a draw and we’ll have done well.

Dig a couple of flower beds round the edge, Cooper! Come on, son! Get some climbers up those fences. Stuck a crab apple tree in there.

Hello a sorry for being a moron but I’m new to the app and couldn’t work out how to message you directly! Really love your stuff. Could you give me a rough indication how much it would be for a commission of two dogs (golden retriever and black Labrador)?