can i get a sniff?

that's my secret, i'm always yoinking

I told you that you should have taken the flea bargain

The Bat'chelor. A klingon dating reality show that runs for 26 seasons.

Asking ChatGPT to generate 95 theses and emailing it to the pope

Two Fox News crawlers. Top: BEWARE OF SHORT PEOPLE Study: small men, women more likely to be psychopaths Bottom: SHORT PEOPLE HAVE PSYCHOPATHIC TRAITS

SHORT PEOPLE HAVE PSYCHOPATHIC TRAITS

good to see bam has turned his life around

stinkflation

sick and tired of politicians ignoring the Real Issues like how they keep making toilet paper more and more narrow

Inviting the lads over for a pint and a bit of Magna-Tiles

yeah

BOSS: It's truly unfortunate and you have my deepest sympathies but making cuts is what the company has to do due to the revenue losses

ME: hah you said doo doo

Come on over any time, buddy

Dinner is late

A cute chubby cat sitting at the dinner table looking judgmental. The cat has white fur and a brown face and a gaze that pierces your soul.

"We need to talk."

Politely asking the flight attendant if I can have an extra cookie and if they have any XXL barf bags

Gaetz being whispered to during the house speaker election

Pilot: Excuse me ladies and gentlemen we have some turbulence coming up here

Me: oh hell yeah

Hey man I noticed you haven't been posting as much, congrats on the brain be ok

obviously the us healthcare system is good thats why other countries are trying to copy it all the time

You'll get there! We all have to start somewhere!
(screaming down at you from my diamond encrusted jetpack)

Wild that Jabba Jr ended up being a troubled young adult from Chicago who, while incredibly talented, finds himself getting in the way of his own success

Finishing is typically the goal of those things

Three more shell casings found inscribed with the words "BAN", "POCKET", "PUSSIES".
Motive remains unclear.

I know not with what weapons World War III will be fought, but World War IV will be fought with Jira boards and KPIs

He's definitely carrying around a get out of jail free card

Elon Musk looks like the kinda dude whose pubic hair grows out straight

operator: 911, please state the nature of your emergency
me: hold on i'm on the phone
operator: i know
me: oh. right. so. hiker isn't the strongest balatro joker, but it is my favorite. even if you sell it, it's already chipped up your deck like crazy
operator: totally agree
me: hey i'm on the phone

My dog is a real brown noser
(on accounta the ass sniffin)

Got a great POV of the BBC building on the way to the ATM. What a JOI!